


we're not who we used to be

by louistomlinsons



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Accidental Cuddling, Bottom Louis, Exes to Lovers, Gay Mutant Road Trip, M/M, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, Slow Burn, Top Harry, i saw that tag pop up when i started typing roadtrip, idiots to lovers, if u will, so i had to click it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-08
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-12 04:21:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 30,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20157235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/louistomlinsons/pseuds/louistomlinsons
Summary: “Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?”“You didn’t know?”Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart).“I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together.“You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.or an exes to lovers canadian roadtrip au





	we're not who we used to be

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Etoilenoire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Etoilenoire/gifts).

> two of your prompts absolutely stuck out to me so much and then it became a monster and got away from me. i have no excuses. this absolutely could have been 30k more words, but i had to cut myself off at some point

“Liam.”

“Louis.”

“I am not listening to you tell us our entire itinerary for the third time today.” Louis crosses his arms over his chest and tries to school his face into the most stern expression he can manage. It must work because Liam opens his mouth like he’s maybe going to protest but then walks away without saying anything else.

He turns to Zayn, who’s been loading all of their suitcases, coolers, and miscellaneous things they probably don’t even  _ need _ into the trunk of one of the cars. He’s managed to pack almost all of their shit in the time it’s taken Louis and Liam to have two arguments. 

“I don’t like him,” Louis says, bending down to pick up the remaining two bags. 

“You’ve been saying that for ten years now - I’m starting to think you don’t even mean it.” Zayn slams the trunk closed. 

“He’s good for some things.” Louis pauses for a moment, watching Shawn’s bored expression as Liam drones something to him. Maybe he’s the unlucky bastard who has to listen to the itinerary now. “Do you think he’ll be mad when he finds out how much weed I’ve packed into his suitcase?”

“ _ His  _ suitcase?” Zayn darts his eyes sideways to Louis, body still facing towards the garage, where Liam has now started waving his arms around. 

Louis leans back against the SUV that Niall’s brother is letting them borrow for the trip. 

“Well, yeah. I couldn’t fit it in mine. I packed too many white t-shirts.”

Zayn rolls his eyes but doesn’t bother with a response. He pushes himself from where he’s also leaning against the car, making his way up the driveway to the garage, hopefully to save poor Shawn from dying of boredom. 

It’s another fifteen minutes before Louis starts to wonder why they haven’t hit the road yet. All of their stuff’s packed into the two cars, everyone that’s going is there, and Liam’s had the whole thing planned for almost six months now. He also realizes that he can no longer hear the chatter drifting his way from the garage. Everyone’s started whispering to each other, shooting concerned looks in his direction.

He opens his mouth to yell, cupping his hands to carry his voice, when another car pulls in front of the house. It’s an unfamiliar vehicle, and Louis wasn’t sure anyone else was even going besides the five of them. Maybe someone’s got the wrong address, he thinks. 

He thinks incorrectly.

The man that steps out of the car is the last person Louis ever expected to see again, but maybe he should have seen this coming. Everyone’s been so nice to him lately, and now he realizes they’ve been tiptoeing around him for weeks. They didn’t all just suddenly have a change of heart - they were keeping a secret from him.

“Harry!” Liam’s voice carries down the driveway. “So glad you could make it! We were all worried you got lost.”

Harry throws his bag over his shoulder and drags  _ another _ cooler behind him, making his way towards the garage where everyone but Louis is congregated. He’ll have to pass by Louis on his way there, and Louis doesn’t want the moment of both of them either avoiding eye contact or trying to make small talk, so he jogs up the driveway ahead of Harry. He’ll just have to use Zayn as his buffer.

“What’s Harry doing here?” he asks once he reaches the group. No one will make eye contact with him, all kicking at the ground and shoving their hands into their pockets.

“He’s Liam’s best man,” Zayn finally answers. To his benefit, he looks sheepish - like maybe he realizes he should have given Louis a proper warning that his ex-boyfriend was coming on this trip with them.

“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?”

“You didn’t know?” 

Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and  _ loves _ , he thinks with an aching heart). 

“I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together.

“You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.

He stalks back down the driveway, deliberately not making eye contact with Harry. He doesn’t have it in him to figure out where they stand currently - it’s been  _ three years _ . Things obviously aren’t going to be fixed in thirty seconds. 

There are only two cars for the trip, and Louis assumes they’re going to be three in one and three in the other. He also assumes Liam, Zayn, and Harry will all ride together. Maybe do some catching up.

Although. It kind of seems like there’s not any catching up to do between them.

Maybe that’s what stings the most out of all of this, that they didn’t even trust Louis’ ability to handle the knowledge of their friendship. Liam and Zayn obviously assume he’s too delicate to even hear Harry’s name; he can’t even remember the last time anyone but him brought the man up in conversation. Not since the breakup, now that he thinks about it. 

He climbs into the second car, parked further down the driveway, heart weighing heavier in his chest as he curls into the backseat. At least this way he can lay down and feign sleep. 

Not even two minutes later, the rest of the group is coming down the driveway. They all stop at the first car, and Louis suspects they’re probably debating who’s going to get stuck with him. Like it’s a chore, or something. He closes his eyes and rests his head against the window, blinking his eyes against the tears that threaten to fall. He can cry when he’s alone.

The driver and passenger doors open, rocking the car when they’re shut again. Louis can smell Niall’s cologne and can hear Shawn’s laughter and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Lou, mate.” Niall’s voice is gentle and soft, the way one would talk to a startled animal or a child on the verge of a tantrum. “Do y’wanna talk?” 

And no, Louis  _ doesn’t  _ want to talk, but somehow when he goes to open his mouth and say just that, all that comes out is a sob.

Shawn shifts uncomfortably in the front seat. He’s a newer addition to their group, after the breakup even, and Louis doesn’t think they’ve ever had a serious conversation in their lives. He and Shawn are more of “good day” kind of friends. The kind of friends that have a few beers together at the bar and laugh at dumb things, but know not much else about each other.

“Shawn, do you maybe want to ride with them for the first few hours? Your smell’s making me nauseous,” Niall says, and Louis laughs around a mouthful of sobs. It’s all so ridiculous, is the thing. Louis’ the one crying over a relationship he ended and Shawn’s the one that’s uncomfortable and Niall is trying to ease the situation by joking. How fucking  _ pathetic _ .

But Shawn’s nodding and climbing from their car, going to join the others.

“I’m not moving to the front seat,” Louis says defiantly. 

“Okay, so don’t.” Niall shrugs his shoulders. “Makes no different to me. You can’t fuck with the radio back there.”

Louis climbs over the center console into the passenger seat. “You have shit taste in music, that’s the only reason I’m up here.”

“Do you want to hold hands?” Niall asks, reaching over and wiggling his fingers in front of Louis’ face. “They’re nice and sweaty - great for holding.”

“Just fucking drive.”

It’s an hour and a half into the drive before Louis speaks again. He doesn’t remove his head from the window, and he keeps his eyes tightly closed. It’s easier to have this conversation when he’s not able to look at Niall.

“I don’t know why this still affects me so much,” he admits. He thought he’d cried all the tears he had, but more threaten to spill over. “It’s been three years, and I’m the one who ended it.”

“Because you’re a fucking idiot,” Niall says honestly. 

If Louis wanted someone to be nice to him, he should have gotten in the car with Liam. But he’s  _ mad _ at Liam, so that’s not a very appealing option either.

“Like, I love you,” Niall continues, “But you would probably still be together if you hadn’t been so stupid.”

Louis tries to squeeze his eyes shut tighter. “Thank you, Niall. You’ve very helpful and so good at cheering me up.”

“Did you want cheering up?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, then.” Niall pauses, the car swerves, and then he curses loudly. He takes a deep breath and says, “I think you’ve still got a chance.”

Louis opens one of his eyes to peer at Niall like he’s grown two heads or turning into a giant rooster.

“Elaborate.”

“You’re so talkative,” Niall says with a snort. “I thought you wanted to talk this out, not have me talk at you.”

“I never said that.”

“Well.” A car honks at them as Niall cuts them off. It doesn’t even phase him. “I just think that you were both so in love and then you were both so stupid and that you’re both  _ still _ in love. Neither of you have dated anyone else. It’s kind of sad.”

Louis narrows his eyes at him. “Have  _ all _ of you just been his friend behind my back?”

Niall doesn’t even try to look guilty. He shrugs and says, “Well, yeah. You’re the one who fucked it up, so why should we all suffer the consequences? He needed his friends as much as you did, Lou.”

“That’s not the point I’m trying to make here,” Louis says. He turns back towards the window and rests his head against the glass, hoping it will cool down the flush rising to his skin. “I don’t care that you’re all friends. I care that you didn’t bother telling me and then I was absolutely fucking blindsided.” 

“Sorry, Lou.” Niall sounds like he means it at least, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth and fidgeting his hands on the steering wheel. 

“I would have gone to the gym more if I’d known I’d be seeing him,” Louis tries to joke, but it falls flat.

They’re silent for the next few hours before Louis receives a text from Zayn, telling them to pull off at the next exit. It works out perfectly because Niall notices then that their gas light has come on, and he’s not too sure how long it’s been blinking at him. Why anyone didn’t think to fill up the tank before they left is an answer that escapes Louis, but he’s learned not to question their little group over the years.

The gas station parking lot is empty when they pull into it, the other car pulling in right behind them. It’s midday on a Monday, which could explain why the place looks like a ghost town, but it doesn’t even look like there’s an attendant inside. He debates whether he should stay in the car or get out when Niall goes to pump the gas.

Louis’ startled from his debate with himself by a knock on the window. He sees Zayn standing there, holding a pack of cigarettes in his hand. He makes a “c’mon” motion with his other hand and starts to walk towards the other end of the parking lot. Louis unbuckles himself and climbs from the car, feeling as his bones pop and his legs protest after sitting for so long.

“Lou?” Niall’s voice stops him before he can cross the parking lot.

“Yeah?” Louis twists his body to look at Niall standing at the gas pump, puzzled expression twisting his face. “What’s up?”

“I think this gas station is  _ closed _ .” Niall sounds so distressed that Louis almost laughs, but he manages to bite it back.

“You can still use a card to pay for gas,” Louis says, taking the few steps back towards the pump. Once he gets there, though, he realizes what Niall means. The place is closed as in  _ shut down _ .

“I can tell by your face that you have caught up to where I’m at,” Niall says, maintaining a straight face despite the wobble in his chin.

“Okay, no worries, we’ll just go to the other station right up the road.” Louis tries to keep his voice soothing. He’s not sure why this is upsetting Niall so much, but he’s not going to do anything to make it worse if he can help it.

Liam comes over to join them, a look that can only be described as ‘fatherly concern’ on his face.

“What’s going on?” he asks. 

By this point, Zayn has obviously noticed Louis isn’t joining him and is making his way back across the parking lot to them. The growing crowd seems to make Niall even more nervous, a droplet of sweat forming at his temple.

“I ran out of gas,” Niall answers. “And this place isn’t in business.”

“Oh, no worries, we’ll go to the place up the road,” Liam tells him, which is exactly what  _ Louis _ was trying to tell him too. 

“The car won’t start because it’s out of gas,” Niall rushes out.

“Again, no worries,” Liam says. “We’ll take the other car to the other station and come back. It’s really not a big deal.”

He claps Niall on the shoulder before he walks back towards the second car, taking Zayn’s hand to direct him away from the duo. 

Louis turns towards Niall and, as kindly as he can, asks, “Dude, what the fuck is your problem?”

“I just-” Niall sighs, defeated. “I’m a newer addition to the group and I don’t want you guys to hate me when I fuck up. Does that seem stupid? It’s stupid.”

“Yes, it is stupid,” Louis says. “But if it bothers you, then it’s not actually that stupid. You forgetting to put gas in the car is not a cause for ending a friendship. Especially not when we’re driving cross-country together. It’s going to take a lot more than that, bud.”

“Don’t call me bud,” Niall says, but his face is breaking into a smile. He chuckles for a few moments before adding, “I just don’t want to do anything extra to piss him off because he’s going to be so mad when he finds the weed I put in his bag.”

“Huh. I put weed in his bag too.”

They’re on the road again within fifteen minutes. Louis asks Niall if he wants to switch drivers, but Niall just waves him off and climbs back behind the wheel. Louis isn’t one to argue with that and takes his seat again, curling up into a ball. It’s only about another hour and a half to Clear Lake, their first stop, but he figures he can get a decent enough nap in.

He’s wrong.

Niall drives like he’s got nothing to lose. He keeps driving into the opposite lane, too impatient to drive behind anyone actually going the speed limit, speeding past cars, and making Louis feel car sick even though he’s in the front seat. 

“Niall, you’re going to get a speeding ticket,” Louis mumbles, head curled into his chest as he tries to keep his body from rocking with the car. “And I’m not paying the fine.”

“I’m not going to get a speeding ticket.” 

“What about reckless operation of a vehicle?”

“Not that either. Live a little.”

“Not gonna be living very long if you run us into another car,” Louis tells him and closes his eyes again. He doesn’t want to see the car accident when it eventually happens.

“Lighten up.” Niall claps a hand on Louis’ thigh and the car jerks to the right.

He doesn’t manage to get any more sleep, although he tries. Unfortunately, he feels even more car sick when he closes his eyes, so he has to watch Niall’s reckless driving. Luckily, due to Niall’s speeding, they make it there fifteen minutes faster than expected. 

They drive down the path of the park, the other car nowhere in sight in the rearview mirror.

“Jesus, Niall, how fast were you going?” Louis asks, but he isn’t sure he wants to know the answer. Niall just flashes him a devilish grin and pulls into the gravel lot for their campsite.

They’d left Winnipeg just after noon, so the sun is low in the sky as they step from the car. There are only two cabins for the six of them, so Louis isn’t sure how the sleeping situation is going to work. He wonders briefly if there’s enough beds for them all, but decides that’s not his problem. He’s determined to get a bed either way, and since he and Niall were the first to arrive, he figures that’s only fair. 

“Do you have the keys?” Niall asks him. The gravel crunches underneath their feet as they walk towards the buildings.

“Why would I have the keys?” 

They come across the building closest to them first, although the other one is only about thirty meters away.

Niall shrugs like he doesn’t really care one way or the other. “I guess they’ll be here soon enough.”

As soon as the words are leaving his mouth, the car full of everyone else is pulling into the lot. They pile out like clowns from a clown car, standing and stretching in the way that comes from being cramped in a too-small space for too long.

Niall and Louis watch as everyone else goes through the trouble of unloading the car, bringing over all of the suitcases and one of the coolers. Liam looks like a pack mule, carrying multiple bags on his back and dragging even more behind him. Zayn isn’t carrying anything, making himself look busy by walking in circles around the car until all the bags have been claimed. Harry and Shawn are only carrying a few bags each.

“You couldn’t have helped?” Liam says once he’s close enough. Despite the weight of the luggage on his shoulders, he doesn’t appear to be struggling. He sets the bags down gently at his feet.

“No.” Louis grabs one of the bags from the ground and hitches it onto his shoulder. “This better?”

Liam purses his lips but doesn’t bother with a response.

“There’s two beds and a couch in each of the cabins,” Zayn says as he walks over, twirling two sets of keys around his finger. “That means three to a cabin and you either share a bed or sleep on the couch. Any preferences on who stays in which cabin?”

The air grows tense as they all realize at the same time that  _ yes _ there may be a few preferences. Like Harry and Louis definitely can’t stay in the same room. They haven’t even spoken to each other since the moment back in the garage before they left. Louis hasn’t had enough time to collect himself.

“I think Lou, Shawn, and I can stay in one,” Niall says, breaking through the tension. Once he says it, the air feels a little bit lighter around Louis, no longer suffocating him. “Louis’ the best cuddler out of all of you, anyway.” At this, he throws an arm around Louis’ shoulder and pulls him in for a tight squeeze before releasing him. 

Louis forces a smile on his face, but he isn’t sure any of them believe him. “Well, not sure why we’re all still standing around. Let’s get our shit inside and then I’ll race everyone to the pool?” He doesn’t wait for any responses before he’s grabbing one of the keys blindly from Zayn’s hand and racing towards the door of the second cabin, hoping he’s grabbed the correct key.

Luck is on his side. The door opens easily, swinging open and revealing the most basic of rooms. Each of the beds is just big enough to fit two people, covered in a comforter that may have been a bright white before but has faded into more of a dull grey. The couch is a yellow and dark red plaid pattern, hideously out of place in the room.

His heart aches for a moment as he thinks about if things were different, if this were three years ago, he would have teased Harry mercilessly about owning a shirt with that same pattern. 

_ “Lou, I think it’s cute,” Harry said with an adorable gigge. “It was only two dollars at the thrift shop. I couldn’t pass it up!” _

_ Louis couldn’t help the fond smile that spread across his face. “Maybe you should have, love. Unfortunately, you bought it and now I’m the one forced to look at it.” _

_ Harry finished doing up the final buttons. It was the first time since Louis has known him that he’d done up every button on his shirt, and he looked so ridiculous that Louis just had to laugh.  _

_ “I think you look very handsome,” Louis finally said. He walked over and looped one of his fingers through Harry’s belt loops, giving it a tug. “Now what else did you buy?” _

_ He had to suppress a groan when Harry held up another shirt with an equally hideous pattern splattered across it. _

But things aren’t what they used to be, so he shakes that memory from his mind and throws himself face first onto the bed. 

Niall and Shawn come crashing through the door, loud and impossible to ignore. They pile on top of Louis, wrapping around him from all angles. He yells at them to get off, but there’s no heat behind it as he snuggles into their arms. 

“I grabbed your bag for you, Lou,” Niall says, voice muffled into the skin of Louis’ neck. 

“You’re such a gentleman,” Louis teases, shaking both of them from his back. He rolls over and wiggles his eyebrows at Niall before standing up. “Keep it up and I just might fall in love with you after all.”

“That  _ is _ what I’ve always dreamed of.”

Louis flips him off over his shoulder and begins digging through his suitcase, searching for the swim trunks he knows he packed. They’re at the very bottom, of course, so when he’s done almost all of his clothes have fallen out of the bag and onto the floor. He inwardly shrugs - Shawn will clean it up.

He steps into the bathroom and slips into the trunks, pinching at the skin that settles above his waistband. He’s never had any issues with his body before, but he knows he doesn’t look how he did in uni- or even three years ago when he last saw Harry. The idea of being in such a close space and feeling exposed like this has him wrapping his arms around his stomach and giving himself a tight squeeze.

Deciding he’s stared at himself long enough, Louis steps from the bathroom with a deep breath. He ignores the way it shakes.

“All ready?” he asks, throwing his arms wide and doing his best to throw a beaming smile at Niall and Shawn. Both of them have already changed into their trunks, waiting patiently for him on the bed.

“Race you!” Niall takes off sprinting from the cabin, leaving both Louis and Shawn behind. He doesn’t even bother putting on shoes and the sound of his feet thudding against the ground has Louis wincing. 

“Fuck that shit,” Shawn says, walking calmly from the cabin. Louis follows, shutting the door softly behind.

“Do you think we need to lock it?”

Shawn shrugs. “I didn’t even grab the key.”

Louis chuckles softly and starts in the direction of the pool. There’s one pool for every group of four cabins, in the center of them all. It doesn’t look like anyone else is renting out the other cabins, so they’ve got the pool to themselves. It’s probably for the best, since they can all get pretty rowdy. Last time they were all together like this, Liam fell through a window.

Everyone else is already at the pool by the time they make their way over, sufficiently soaked and trying to dunk each other under the water. Louis cannonballs into the pool, narrowly missing landing on Zayn.

When he comes up for air, Zayn immediately dunks him back under.

Sputtering and spitting water from his mouth, Louis resurfaces from the water and gasps, “Fuck, you dickhead.”

“You almost took my head off with your foot!”

“Almost only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades. You lived!”

“Not the point!” Zayn reaches over and places both hands on Louis’ shoulders, trying to push him back under, but Louis is prepared this time. He stands his ground, reaching out and tickling Zayn in the side. 

No one is safe once Louis starts tickling Zayn. Water goes flying everywhere, as well as Zayn’s limbs. He almost takes out Shawn with a punch to the eye. Shawn’s a trooper though, and laughs through it all, reaching over and joining Louis in his attack against Zayn.

Once they settle down again, Louis notices the way Harry is sitting at the other end of the pool, feet in the water, just kicking at the surface. He wants to call out an invitation across the water, but he isn’t sure where they stand yet. Does Harry even want to talk to him? Are they friends? Are they enemies? Does he want to hold Louis under water forever? 

Luckily, Liam takes charge.

“Harry! Get over here! We’re going to play volleyball and you’re on my team.” 

A volleyball appears from nowhere, tossed back and forth between Liam’s hands. 

“I’m team captain!” Niall shouts, diving and knocking the ball out from Liam, sending it flying across the water. “I choose Shawn.”

“Of course you do,” Liam says, but he’s laughing. “I choose Louis.”

“He’s not tall enough to be useful,” Zayn teases, wrapping an arm around Louis’ shoulders when he starts scowling. “I guess that leaves me with Niall and Shawn, then. Be careful, Li, I won’t forget that you didn’t choose me.”

“Ooh, no sex for Liam tonight!” Niall yells, splashing across the water as he goes after the volleyball he knocked away earlier.

“I hope not, I’m sharing the room with them,” Harry says. It’s the first thing he’s said since they came to the pool, and Louis isn’t prepared for how deep his voice is. Each word is like a fist has reached through his chest and contracts around his heart, squeezing with each syllable. He wonders at what point it gets easier.

“Aw, buddy, we’d take you in for the night,” Shawn says, reaching over and wrapping an arm around Harry’s shoulders. “We’d never put you through that.”

“Besides, you’re a better cuddler than the rest of this lot put together,” Niall jokes. “I’d kick every single one of them to the curb just to be your big spoon.”

Harry pretends to wipe tears away from his eyes, sniffling dramatically. “You really know how to make a man feel loved.”

“Enough with the soap opera, gentlemen, let’s play a game!” Louis says, pumping a fist into the air. The water splashes around them as everyone goes to their sides, taking longer than it should as they all shove into each other. 

Once he’s reached the side his team’s claimed, Louis realizes who else happens to be on his team  _ besides _ Liam. 

Harry is holding the volleyball, tossing it from hand to hand. Louis knows from experience that any moment it’ll go flying across the water, slipping right from his hands. 

“You guys ready to rumble?” Liam asks, clapping his hands together. “Kick some fucking ass, and all that?”

“Such a dirty mouth,” Louis says, smiling crookedly. 

“Yeah, do you kiss your mother with a mouth like that?” Harry pipes in, and Louis laughs with him.

For a moment, it almost feels like nothing’s changed. 

_ “Aye, Payno!” Harry called across the field. “You gonna kick the ball any time today? I’m not getting any younger!” _

_ “Yeah, let’s move it along! I can already feel my bones weakening with old age,” Louis joined in. He and Harry collapsed into each other laughing, despite no one else seeming to find it quite as funny. Eventually, their giggles slowed to a stop and they righted themselves, smiles still bright on their faces, as if they could tame their laughter but not much else. _

_ “Are you boys quite done yet?” Liam asked, placing his hands on his hips. “I think we’ve got a game we’d like to play.” _

_ Zayn elbowed him in the side. “Let them have their fun.” _

At the time, Louis had thought nothing of the moment, just content to enjoy his time with Harry. It was always so easy between the two of them. So natural. He had no idea that everyone was just waiting for them to get their act together and confess their feelings, even months before either of them realized  _ what  _ those feelings were.

Liam splashes water in his face to get his attention. 

“Get your head in the game, Tommo! We’ve got a game to win.”

“When did you get so competitive?” Louis asks, laughing. “And if you’re so in it to win it, why did you choose Harry? We all know he’s the least athletic of all of us.”

For a second, Louis thinks he might have taken it too far until Harry starts giggling.

“‘S true, Li,” he agrees. “I am pretty clumsy. I’m worried I might hit one of you in the face with the ball.”

Liam claps a hand onto his shoulder, their wet skin making a loud smacking sound that causes Louis to wince. 

“If you’re going to hit anyone in the face, try to aim for one of them.”

They win the first game, and Niall calls for a rematch. One rematch leads to three more games, until all of them are clutching their stomachs from laughing so hard and panting heavily and nobody’s keeping score any longer. The sun has almost set when they finish the last game.

“I say we call it a night, boys,” Niall says. He climbs out of the pool, dripping water everywhere and sending it spraying as he shakes himself dry like a dog. His once pale skin has now turned a tomato-shade of red. Louis winces. He can already tell Niall’s about to spend the whole night complaining. 

“Did you bring any aloe?” Zayn asks Liam.

“I think so.” All of them breathe a sigh of relief.

The rest of them follow Niall’s lead, climbing from the pool. The group follows behind him. Zayn and Liam wrap their arms around one another, giggling adorably, while Shawn lags a few steps behind smiling softly at them. Harry and Louis fall into step with each other, trailing behind the others, and Louis tries to keep himself from having a panic attack.

“Harry-”

“Don’t.” Harry’s smile drops from his face. Gone is the man who had a fun afternoon with his best friends, and in its place is a man who had his heart broken by who he thought he would spend forever with. “I can be nice to you around them. I won’t ruin this for Zayn and Liam. But I will not be nice when I don’t have to be.”

Harry’s words hit Louis like a slap to the face, sending him stumbling back a few steps and his jaw to the ground.

“I-”

Once again, Harry cuts him off.

“I genuinely do not care what you have to say.”

With Harry’s words, another memory washes over Louis.

_ “Hazza,” Louis whispered pleadingly. He clenched his fist and dug his nails into the palm of his hand.  _

_ Harry turned the key in the ignition. He started to roll up the window, not even turning to his face in the direction of Louis. There was no emotion in his features, mouth set in a firm line and eyes turned hard. _

_ “Don’t call me that,” he said when the window was halfway up. He didn’t bother rolling it the rest of the way. Louis took it as a sign that maybe he could fix things - fix the mess he had gone and made. _

_ “Harry,” Louis tried again. “We can talk about this.” _

_ “I genuinely do not care what you have to say.” _

_ He rolled the window up the rest of the way and backed down the driveway. _

Louis swallows in the air he can, suddenly feeling too hot all over. “Understood.”

He slows down his pace to allow Harry to take lead, staying just a few steps ahead. Louis watches his back, the way he’s hardened across his shoulders yet remains so soft around the hips. He’s slimmer, maybe, but looks overall healthier.

The idea that Harry might be better off without Louis hurts more than it has any right to.

The door to the cabin is cracked when he reaches the building. He slips inside and lets the cool air wash over him. There’s no air conditioning in the cabin, but it’s not as humid inside.

Niall and Shawn have already changed, lounging around on one of the beds. They’ve got their heads pressed together as they giggle about something on one of their phones. Louis can already see where this is going. He can tell by the blush running up Shawn’s neck to his cheeks and Niall’s quiet laugh as opposed to his normal bolstering one.

His heart pangs for a moment, constricting in his chest, before he consciously makes the decision to be happy for them. He won’t let his own mistakes and heartbreak keep him from being supportive. He can’t afford to turn into a bad friend again.

“Tommo, want to watch Jenna Marbles with us?” Niall asks, once he notices Louis standing in the doorway. “She got a new dog.”

Louis shakes his head. “No thanks, I’m good. Think I might shower.”

“Suit yourself,” Niall says. “We’re going to grab dinner here soon, and probably drink a little. Play some card games. Shawn here is awful at Uno.”

“How can you be bad at Uno? It’s all luck,” Louis laughs, shoulders shaking lightly. “Anyway, thanks for letting me know. I’m not feeling too hot, so I might take a rain check. I think I might be a little worn from the drive, volleyball, and all the time spent under the sun.”

Niall purses his lips and narrows his eyes, but doesn’t press the issue.

“Yeah, okay. I’ll bring you back some dinner.”

Louis gives him a wave to say thank you. He treads lightly over to his suitcase, finding it already unzipped and ransacked from earlier when he was trying to find his swim trunks. It makes grabbing his toiletries easy enough, as they’re sitting outside of his bag by this point, so he grabs them and makes his way to the bathroom.

He looks at himself in the mirror.

He tries to see the changes that have happened over the past few years, tries to imagine what exactly Harry had seen when he looked at Louis for the first time when he pulled into the driveway.

His hair is longer, curling around the edges of his neck. He doesn’t shave as much - let’s himself get scruffy in a way he never used to. He doesn’t work out as much. He wears his glasses more often because contacts irritate his eyes. He’s got a few more tattoos, a few more laugh lines around his eyes, and a few more stories to tell at parties.

Overall, however, he’s the same guy,

Maybe he’s grown up, is more mature, but at the root of it all he’s still the same Louis Tomlinson that let Harry Styles slip through his fingertips three years ago.

Still loves mint chocolate chip ice cream, half of his wardrobe is ratty band t-shirts, and he still calls his mother every Sunday night to catch up. He works the same job, lives in the same apartment, and hangs out with the same group of people - minus one person.

Louis shakes his head harshly, trying to clear his mind of the trail it’s started going down. He doesn’t need to waste time thinking like that.

He’d been doing so well. He didn’t spend quite as many nights unable to sleep, staying up well past three in the morning, wondering what he would do differently. Everything, probably. He would have changed their last night together, at least. If he could change nothing else, he would go back and wipe away the tears from Harry’s eyes and avoid saying the words that caused their world to tumble apart.

The shower squeaks as it turns on. Louis doesn’t wait for the water to warm up before he climbs inside, goosebumps forming along his skin instantly. The water takes its time reaching the ideal temperature, and before that time he’s shivering, but makes no effort to move from under the stream.

He doesn’t spend more time than necessary in the shower, washing away the day from his skin. By the time he’s done, he no longer smells of coconut sunscreen and chlorine. He feels fresh and exhausted, ready to collapse into bed and fall asleep. 

Steam escapes from the bathroom when he opens the door. The change in temperature causes the hair on his arms to raise momentarily while he adjusts. He notes Niall and Shawn have disappeared already, probably off to dinner and cards with everyone else. He’s mostly thankful for the silence that comes with their absence. He’s ready to be alone for the night.

The sheets are scratchy as Louis climbs into them, nothing like the familiar blankets from his own bed. He’s not quite sure where the feeling of homesickness comes from, but it settles over him like another one of the blankets, a heavy weight along his skin. For a moment, he almost wants nothing more than to be all the way back in his mom’s house, a place he hasn’t lived in almost six years, drinking tea with her in front of their fireplace.

It takes him awhile to finally shake the feeling and fall into an unsatisfying sleep.

Louis wakes up to snoring in his ear and an arm thrown around his waist from behind.

“Niall, get the fuck off of me,” he grumbles into the pillow, still half-asleep.

He only receives a snort in response.

“Jesus Christ.” 

He pushes Niall’s arm from around his waist, flinging it back to Niall’s side of the bed. His snoring never lets up, and Louis thinks that it may actually be growing louder. He feels sorry for all of Niall’s future bed partners. He feels sorry for  _ himself _ currently. It’s like a freight train in his ear.

Shawn’s already awake and sitting up in bed, scrolling through his phone with earbuds in. He notices Louis’ movement and offers a wave, pulling one of the earbuds from his ear.

“He’s pretty loud, isn’t he?” Shawn asks. Unlike Louis, his face seems almost fond, like he finds it  _ cute _ or something. 

“Definitely too loud for me,” Louis says. “You’re sharing the bed with him tonight.”

Shawn shrugs like he isn’t too bothered either way.

Louis stands up and goes to dig through his suitcase, looking for his clothes for the day. He can’t remember how Liam said they were spending their day, but he figures a t-shirt and black athletic shorts should be enough to keep him comfortable. He makes his way to the bathroom to go about his normal morning routine. 

The cold water he splashes against his face does wonders in waking him up. He’d been appalled to find out that there was no caffeine in the cabins, but he’s hopeful that wherever they grab breakfast from will offer coffee or tea or  _ something _ . 

He rushes through his morning routine, scrubbing at his face and brushing his teeth. It’s only a few minutes before he reemerges, and by that time, Niall’s stopped his snoring and appears to be mostly awake.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Louis chirps, crossing the room to the bed and planting obnoxious kisses all over Niall’s forehead.

“Fuck off,” he grumbles, voice still deep with sleep. “Did you know you snore?”

“ _ I  _ snore?  _ You  _ snore.”

“I don’t believe it,” Niall says, but the corners of his mouth are tugging upwards like he’s heard it before.

Ignoring Niall’s response, Louis asks, “What’s the plan for today?”

Shawn and Niall glance at each other, both of them shrugging. Helpful as ever, Louis thinks.

“Maybe we all should have paid attention when Liam told us the itinerary,” Niall jokes, then snorts, finding himself funnier than anyone else does. 

Before Louis can agree, there’s a knock on the door. 

“Open up!” Zayn’s voice comes from the other side. “Time to get a move on, boys!”

Louis takes the few steps to the door, opening it wide and revealing Zayn, Liam, and Harry on the other side. Zayn and Liam have wide smiles on their faces, but Harry looks like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

“Niall’s not even out of bed yet,” Louis says, moving out of the way so they can come inside. 

“Aye! All I’ve got to do is put on some pants,” Niall calls from the bed.

“Were you sleeping without pants in the same bed as me?” Louis asks, face wrinkling. “Boundaries, dude.”

Niall shrugs like he doesn’t really care and swings his legs out of bed. Sure enough, they’re bare. He’s wearing just a plain grey shirt and black boxers. Louis is for sure making him share a bed with Shawn tonight. 

Niall gets ready quickly, throwing on shorts over his boxers while everyone stands around and tries not to watch him. It’s mostly not awkward.

“So what is the plan today?” Louis finally asks, trying to break the tension of the room. He’s unsure if it’s tense because of everyone avoiding staring down Niall, or if he’s conjuring up this tension between him and Harry. Maybe it’s an odd mixture of both.

“If you had listened to the first seven times I told you,” Liam says with a sigh. “We’re going to breakfast at this cute bakery and cafe, then heading to see the wildlife. We’ll probably finish the day with a boat tour. Sound good with everyone?”

Everyone nods, not wanting to be the one to argue with Liam, at least not over this.

“We’ll have to take two cars again, unless someone wants to sit in someone’s lap?” Liam glances at all of them, none of them protesting. “Okay, then two cars it is. Same as before?” More nods follow. Liam claps his hands and exits the cabin without saying anything else, leaving everyone to quickly gather themselves and follow.

Niall hops behind the driver’s seat again, but this time Shawn climbs into the passenger seat. Louis doesn’t bother arguing with him, just climbing into the backseat and leaning against the window. He lets his eyes fall shut as the car starts out of the parking lot, gravel crunching satisfyingly under the tires.

He keeps his eyes shut for the quick drive to the bakery, finally opening them when he feels the car come to a stop. Niall isn’t much of a better driver this morning, and by the time he steps out of the vehicle, he’s not much in the mood for eating. His stomach doesn’t quite agree with Niall’s aggressive driving.

The rest of the group piles out of the other car, Zayn and Harry opening their mouths wide in synchronized yawning. It seems they’re just as tired as Louis feels.

“I’ve read good things about this place,” Liam says, too cheerful for how early it is in the morning. Louis had done some reading on the park beforehand, and this is one of the few places to get a full service breakfast. He had expected it to be busy, but Liam’s got them there even before the breakfast rush. Louis readies himself for a long next two weeks, if this is how the rest of the trip is going to go. He isn’t sure how many early mornings with long days his body can physically handle.

The rest of them just grumble an incoherent response and follow him inside. Louis wonders if Zayn is regretting his decision to marry Liam as he catches this glimpse into the rest of their lives.

A young woman greets them at the door, still yawning and wiping away sleep from her own eyes. She grabs them some menus and leads them to a round table in the back corner near an open window. She walks away before they even get the chance to say thank you.

Somewhere in the shuffle of everyone trying to sit down, Louis has ended up next to Harry. He notices as their elbows bump together when they try to reach for the stack of menus. Harry coughs uncomfortably and pulls his hand away, letting it fall to his lap. Louis pulls out two menus from the stack and sets one in front of each of them.

Whispered conversation comes from the four others, chatting with each other to make sure no one is getting the same thing. It’s always been a rule in their group - everyone would get something different and everyone had to be willing to share. They all believed eating like this, sharing and sneaking bites from each other’s plates, made them even closer. Now it just makes Louis shift from side to side in his seat.

“What are you thinking about getting?” Harry asks, breaking the silence between them. His voice is still sleep-rumpled, deeper than usual, sending goosebumps up Louis’ arms. He remembers countless mornings where they would lay in bed after having woken up, Harry’s voice always so deep and slow and comforting. Now it just hurts.

Before Louis can answer, their server is coming up to get their drink order. She’s an older lady with laugh wrinkles around her mouth and eyes, warm expression as she takes down their drinks. 

He vaguely registers Harry ordering next to them, and then everyone turning to him as they wait for him to order.

“Uh,” he stumbles. He hadn’t gotten that far, too distracted by his proximity to Harry.

“Do you have Yorkshire?” Harry asks, interrupting. His voice is pleasant, just barely drifting above the background noise of the restaurant.

“Unfortunately, no,” their server says, shoulders slumping and mouth turning down like she might actually be sorry about it.

“Then he’d love an orange juice and a glass of water,” Harry orders for him. “Thanks for much.”

Louis gapes like a fish.

“You remember?”

Harry just barely takes a second to glance at him, shrugging his shoulders casually. As if this isn’t earth-shattering.

“I remember a lot.”

_ Harry laughed loudly, slapping a hand over his mouth to cover the sound. His laugh was squawking and loud and most of the couples eating around them turned to glare at them.  _

_ Louis didn’t care. _

_ “I will never get tired of that sound,” he said, sighing happily. He wasn’t sure things could get better. _

_ “Oh, Lou,” Harry said, sticking his lower lip out in a subtle pout. “It doesn’t look like they have Yorkshire.” _

_ He laughed, reaching out to place a hand over Harry’s and intertwined their fingers.  _

_ “It’s okay, love,” he soothed. “I also love a good glass of OJ and some water. That’s my go to when I’m not feeling tea.” _

It had been such an offhand comment, just a few short months into their relationship, but Harry remembered it. Every time they went out for breakfast and there wasn’t any Yorkshire, Harry would always remember his offhand comment about orange juice.

It looks like he never forgot, either.

If anyone notices the exchange, they don’t mention it. The server walks away and chatter resumes while they all discuss what to get. Niall declares he’s getting an omelette, Zayn and Liam each getting a different breakfast sandwich, and Shawn decides on some breakfast plate with eggs, bacon, and potatoes.

“Mm, looks like they’ve got vegan pancakes,” Louis says. “Did you ever end up going vegan?”

“Yeah, I did,” Harry says slowly, eyes widening. “I mentioned that maybe once, crazy the stuff you remember.”

“I remember a lot,” Louis says, repeating the words Harry had said just moments before. “You should try it with their vegan whipped cream. Oh! And the berries.”

Harry’s looking at him like he’s grown a second head.

“Um, yes,” he stutters. “I think I will.”

When the server comes back with their drinks, Louis still hasn’t thought much about his own plate, but he makes the speedy decision on a breakfast wrap. 

Conversation flows easily between the group. Louis and Harry have mastered the art of participating in chatter without having to directly interact much with each other. It makes Louis’ skin itch - being so close to Harry and not being to reach out and touch. He remembers it being so simple, to reach over and lay a hand on Harry’s thigh or intertwine their fingers. Now the small distance between them doesn’t feel so easy to close.

They eat quickly, finishing off their plates. The food is just as good as Louis had thought it would be, almost wishing he had more. He sits back, already counting down the hours until they’ll be getting lunch. He’s just regretting his decision to not get a side of hashbrowns when Harry’s plate inches closer to him.

“I’m not going to finish them off,” he explains. “Feel free to have the last few bites.”

Louis doesn’t ask twice, afraid that Harry will change his mind. This feels like a step towards a peace treaty, and he’s not going to do anything to backtrack. 

Once everyone is finished, they pile back into the cars. Niall grumbles about having to follow Liam to the wildlife, something about how Liam drives like a grandpa. Louis doesn’t listen much, instead too focused on his interactions with Harry at breakfast. It makes him both nostalgic for what once was and hopeful for what could be at the same time.

The trail they’re taking is just a short drive from the restaurant, and they’re piling from the car in no time. The weather is nice enough, but Louis can tell that by midafternoon they’ll be sweating buckets. 

“Of course Liam brought a professional camera,” Niall mutters to him.

“We’ll be thanking him for it when we have amazing pictures to look back on,” Louis says, chuckling softly. “Maybe he’ll get a good shot of us together that I can hang in my living room.”

This pulls a smile out of Niall. He throws an arm around Louis’ shoulders and pulls him in for a light sideways hug.

“I knew you liked me,” he teases. 

The group starts walking towards the entrance to the trail, none of them looking quite awake yet except for Liam, who has already started snapping picture after picture. Everyone is quiet for the first half hour, taking in the scenery and the quiet noise of the park. Birds are chirping and their feet snap twigs and crunch leaves, but there’s not much more noise than that. For once, Louis feels comfortable in the silence.

Liam and Harry lead the group, walking side by side and wordlessly pointing things out to each other. It makes sense that Harry would be at the front for a situation like this - he’s probably helping Liam get the perfect shot. Harry’s always been the most artsy of their group, a camera around his neck everywhere they went.

_ “Louuuu,” Harry groaned, drawing out the vowels. “Please just let me snap a few more pictures. I want to remember this forever.” _

_ “Forever, huh?” Louis teased, mouth quirking into a lopsided smile. “You’re gonna regret saying that. You’ll get sick of me.” _

_ Harry frowned at that, setting his camera down onto their coffee table. Louis wasn’t sure when he started thinking of Harry’s apartment as their apartment, but the switch had been made. He had plans to ask Harry if he wanted to officially move in together in just a few days at their anniversary dinner. _

_ “I could never get sick of you,” Harry said softly, delicately like Louis was a skittish animal. He walked over to the couch and straddled Louis’ hips where he was laying down on his back. “Why would you think that?” _

_ “Everyone does,” Louis said, not meeting Harry’s eyes. “You’re too good for me, anyway. You’ll realize eventually.” _

Louis remembers that the night ended with tears and sweet kisses as Harry reassured him that they were a forever thing. Bitterly, Louis laughs to himself as he thinks about how he ruined that. Forever. The word burns his skin.

Niall bumps their shoulders together. “Y’alright?”

“Um, yeah,” Louis says, clearing his throat. The words come out unconvincingly, but Niall doesn’t look like he wants to press the issue. “It’s only the second day. I can’t be sick of you yet.”

Niall forces out a laugh and the tension breaks in the air.

Their walk lasts another few hours before they’ve somehow looped back around to the cars. Louis is thankful, feeling like his legs could give out beneath him at any moment. He had been right about the sweating. The midday sun pelts down onto them as he climbs into the car. 

“Crank the air, oh god please, crank the air,” Louis begs, sprawling out across the backseat. Niall thankfully listens and turns the dial all the way to the right.

“You’re such a drama queen,” Niall laughs, wiping sweat from his brow. Shawn’s red faced in the passenger seat, blotches contrasting against his pale skin all the way down to the collar of his shirt. Louis wonders if any of it is sunburn, then worries that maybe his own skin is burnt. 

“What are we doing now?” Louis asks, bracing himself as the car shifts when Niall pulls out of the parking lot. The gravel crunching underneath the tires is quickly becoming one of Louis’ favorite sounds.

“I think a quick bite of lunch, then back to the cabins for everyone to change and take a quick nap. We’ve got about three hours before we need to leave for the dinner cruise,” Niall answers.

“Sounds like you’ve memorized the itinerary,” Louis laughs, breathless. 

“Liam only tells us fifteen times an hour. I’m surprised you’re not able to recite it either.”

“I’ve learned to tune him out, after knowing him for a decade.”

“I forgot it’s been that long for you guys,” Niall says quietly. “Sometimes I feel like since I fit into the group so easily it’s easy to forget that I’ve only known you guys for less than half the time that you all have known each other.”

“Less for me,” Shawn adds.

Louis sits up, fighting against the motion of the car as Niall turns sharply.

“You two are as part of the group as any of us are,” Louis says, voice stern and leaving no room for argument. “Don’t think otherwise. Most of the time I think they like you guys better than they like me.” He forces out a laugh.

“I agree,” Niall says. “They absolutely like me better than you.”

Louis flicks his ear and collapses back onto the seat.

It doesn’t take more than five minutes to reach the cafe. Louis sits in and takes in the sign boasting “Canadian pub” and knows instantly that Shawn and Niall had to have picked the place. He can also expect that they’ll order too much poutine for any of them to eat and they’ll all be dealing with stomach aches for the rest of the day. Quick bite of lunch his ass, Louis thinks.

He turns out to be right, when they all roll out of the restaurant forty minutes later, stuffed full of poutine and rubbing their stomachs. Louis actually can’t wait to take his pants off and not move until tomorrow. Unfortunately he knows he’ll still get stuck going on the boat cruise, but it’s nice to think about.

Another ten minutes finds him stepping into the shower, not yet warm, trying to scrub away the grime of the day. It’s almost counteractive to shower when they still have activities to do, but he can’t even imagine going back out into public smelling the way he did.

He showers as quickly as possible, hoping to at least catch an hour long nap before someone comes knocking on the door. The rest of the group has piled into Liam, Zayn, and Harry’s cabin to play cards and pass the time, but once again Louis had passed on the opportunity. He has two weeks to play cards with them - right now, he just needs his time.

Throwing on a pair of black boxer briefs, he climbs into his bed. The sheets are still rumpled and kicked to the end, neither he nor Niall bothering to attempt to make it before leaving for the morning. That’s fine by him; he’s never been the type to make his bed before, and he’s not going to start just because they’re on vacation.

Louis finds himself drifting to sleep easily, eyes fluttering closed before his head even hits the pillow. It barely feels like he’s slept at all, however, when there’s a knocking on the door. His eyes don’t want to open, feeling like they’re taped shut as he fights to blink awake. He stumbles to the door with his eyes half open, rubbing at them with one closed fist and the other rubbing open-faced against his still bare stomach.

“Niall, for Christ’s sake, bring the fucking key next time,” Louis grumbles as he swings the door open. 

Harry stands on the other side, looking slightly amused as he runs his eyes up and down Louis’ body, obviously checking him out.

“Not Niall,” he says, voice lighter than Louis’ heard it the whole trip - at least when directed at him. “I’ve come to retrieve you for dinner.” Louis doesn’t mistake the way Harry’s eyes take one last long trip from his toes to his chest before meeting his eyes. “I’d suggest putting on some clothes. Not sure the boys will appreciate the nakedness.”  _ Not the way I appreciate it _ , Louis’ brain finishes.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, voice still deep from sleep. He’s sure his breath is rancid, and he wonders if Harry can smell it. “I’ll be right there.”

Harry gives a curt nod and turns around, heading back towards his own cabin.

Louis vaguely remembers that this is one of the things Liam told him he’d need to dress up for. Not a suit and tie occasion, but definitely not a blue jeans kind of thing. He digs through his suitcase until he finds his black jeans, the kind that haven’t started to lighten at the knees from wear and still hold their tight form, along with a nice light blue button-up. He hopes Liam will find it satisfactory.

He trudges along the gravel to the other cabin, already worrying about sweating through his shirt. He hopes it’s not as hot out on the boat.

“Lou!” Niall screeches, arms thrown in the air. Louis thinks he might be drunk. “Nice of you to join us. Good looking bedhead, by the way!”

Louis swipes at his hair, not too worried about it as he remembers falling asleep with still-wet hair. Nothing he can do about it now.

Everyone else is already there, gathered and standing in the doorway as he approaches. Liam tosses one of the sets of keys in Niall’s direction, who doesn’t even make an attempt to catch them. They clang together as they hit the ground, causing Louis to notice the headache growing in his temples. He can tell it’s going to be a long night, between his drunk friends and the pounding against his brain.

As they pile into their cars again, Louis finds himself thinking that there’s quite a bit of driving going on for a park. Maybe they should think about renaming it, he thinks to himself, amused.

The sun hasn’t quite started to set by the time they park at the dock. Thankfully, the temperature has started to drop. Whereas before, Louis had been worried they would be sweating to death, now he worries about being too cold. There’s no winning.

The boat is smaller than expected. It rocks gently as they climb aboard, Niall immediately jetting towards the bar. Zayn and Liam wrap around each other against the railing, already too couple-like for Louis’ taste. He’s unsure if the sickness in his stomach comes from watching the pair or from the swaying of the boat on the water - perhaps it’s a lethal combination of both.

Dinner is delicious and well worth the money spent. Louis finds himself overstuffing his stomach, much like he had done at lunch. He’s going to come home twenty pounds heavier and end up not fitting into his tux for the wedding. 

He’s leaning against the railing, watching the sun set over the water, when somebody joins him. They lean against the railing next to him, and Louis recognizes the person as Harry. It’s impossible not to recognize him. Louis thinks he’d be able to spot Harry in any crowd, anywhere.

“Hey,” he says casually. 

“Hey,” Louis replies, shooting for casual but wincing at the way the words get caught in his throat.

“I think I was too harsh on you,” Harry says. “I may be mad at you, but we’re going to be dealing with each other a lot. We’re grown adults - almost thirty years old for Christ’s sake. We’re going to need to plan their bachelor party together and get through the wedding. We can’t be turning our friendship on and off.”

Louis clears his throat. “I agree.”

“Good.” Harry holds out his hand. “Truce?”

“Truce.” 

They shake on it, and Louis can’t be imagining the way their hands linger for just a breath longer than the acceptable amount of time for a handshake.

“Here’s to repairing a friendship.” Louis holds up an invisible drink, pretending to cheers the very real drink that Harry is holding.

He chuckles softly, clicking his real glass against Louis’ pretend glass then throwing his head back to finish it off.

“I have a feeling that being your friend is just asking to be hurt all over again.”

With that, he turns away from Louis and walks back towards the bar.

Louis wakes up with a hangover, the taste of vomit in his mouth, and someone else’s naked skin pressed against his own.

“Niall, if you don’t stop fucking snoring I’ll end your life. I’ll fucking end it.”

Niall comes out of the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from his mouth and foam dripping around his lips.

“Not me, mate.”

Louis blinks open his other eye and finds  _ Shawn _ wrapped around him.

“I didn’t know Shawn snored so loudly,” he comments. “I couldn’t hear him yesterday over the sound of your snores.”

“Yeah, it’s amazing we got any sleep,” Niall says. “Considering you also sound like a fucking train.”

Louis doesn’t have the energy to retort.

“Time’s it?” Shawn mumbles into Louis’ neck, hot breath blowing against his bare skin. It smells absolutely rancid and Louis pushes him away, rolling off the bed and standing up.

“Twelve-thirty,” Niall answers around a mouthful of toothpaste. He heads back into the bathroom to spit it out.

“Liam let us sleep that long?” Louis asks, listening to his bones pop as he stretches.

“Yeah, all that’s on the schedule is grabbing lunch and driving to Regina,” Niall says. “I guess he figured we’d need to sleep in after getting drunk on the boat.” He pauses. “He was correct.”

The only thing Louis wishes he could do is crawl back into bed, so he’s thankful it’s not a heavy day. He’s not sure he’d be able to avoid vomiting up all the drinks he’d down last night. Most of the night after his talk with Harry is a blur. He remembers multiple stumbling trips to the bar and a just as drunk Niall helping him into bed.

“What are we doing for lunch?” Louis asks, making his way into the bathroom. He leans into the mirror and observes the red marks across his cheeks. Appears he got a decent night’s sleep - he must have passed the fuck out.

“I think Liam just wants us to pack all our shit up and go to McDonald’s or something.”

“Oh hell yes,” Louis cheers softly. “I need something greasy.”

“I think that’s part of the motivator.” Niall offers up his tube of toothpaste, which Louis thankfully accepts. “I think Liam might be just as hungover and in need of greasy food as the rest of you.”

“Rest of us?” Louis asks around his toothbrush, spewing toothpaste onto the mirror. “Not you?”

“Irish blood, baby.” Niall smiles smugly, lips stretching across his face. “Never had a hangover in my life. You know this, Lou.”

Louis spits into the sink. “Oh that’s right. I forgot you were a lucky bastard. I also forgot I hate you, but I’m very quickly remembering that.”

“If you weren’t so mean to me, maybe I’d offer you some ibuprofen from my bag.” Niall pouts. “But I don’t think I want to share.”

Louis grabs him by both of his cheeks and pulls him in, kissing his forehead with a loud smack. “Please, you glorious bastard, please share your magical ibuprofen with me.”

Niall laughs, his whole body shaking as he reaches for his bag laying on the counter. He blindly digs around in his things until he finds the bottle, rattling it in Louis’s face. “Here you go, you oaf. Now get off me!”

Lous thankfully accepts the bottle, pouring out three of the pills into his hand. “You’re not supposed to take these on an empty stomach, right?” Niall shrugs. “Oh well.” Louis pops the pills into his mouth and ducks his mouth under the bathroom faucet to swallow them down.

Shawn chooses this moment to come stumbling into the bathroom, looking no more alive than a zombie. “Please tell me we’re getting greasy food.”

Niall reaches over and ruffles his fingers through Shawn’s hair. “Only because you asked so nicely.”

It takes them all of fifteen minutes to brush their teeth and put on clean clothes. The plan is to get the greasiest lunch possible and then be on their way to Regina. Louis’ not necessarily looking forward to their stay in Regina - Liam hadn’t been able to find them a very nice hotel to stay in. Louis’ pretty sure they might all be staying in one room.

They exit the cabin, dropping the key in the designated box next to the door. From across the gravel lot, it looks like Zayn is doing the same thing. He looks surprisingly awake for how drunk Louis remembers him being the night before.

Their groups meet at the two cars, easily packing all of their bags into one vehicle.

“Lou, do you wanna ride with us today?” Zayn asks, voice hopeful. A twinge of guilt rides through Louis’ blood, warming his body from the inside out. He knows he hasn’t necessarily been the best of friend so far on the trip, too afraid of facing Harry and too tired to partake in their “bro” activities.

“I’d love to, but you’re driving,” he says, climbing into the passenger seat. He hears Liam make a disgruntled noise from the back of the car, but he doesn’t care. He’s Zayn’s best friend - he gets shotgun.

Liam begrudgingly climbs into the backseat.

Riding with Zayn makes him forget about his troubles for the time being. Troubles being his undying love for Harry, obviously.

They sing at the top of their lungs and roll their eyes at each other when Liam asks for a bathroom break and Louis decides he can’t be mad at them any longer. He vows, as they’re driving down the highway faster than is safe, that he’ll be a more active participant in the rest of the road trip. Even if it means having numerous interactions with Harry that repeatedly break his heart. He’ll do it for his best friends.

The sign for Regina comes into view just after five in the evening, and the town is  _ packed _ . Louis can’t remember anything necessarily captivating about the town itself, any attractions that would warrant this kind of crowd. They’re only stopping here so they don’t have to make the drive to Saskatoon in one day. They have longer drives planned for later in the trip (there’s two full days of driving on their way home), so they figured breaking it up earlier would make the longer drives easier.

“Do you know what’s going on here?” Zayn asks, eyes widening as every parking lot they pass is full of cars. There are cars lining every street, and some even parked in the grass. Genuinely, Louis has no idea why so many people would want to come to Regina. Truly, he is  _ stumped _ .

Zayn’s phone starts buzzing on the console. Louis answers it before Zayn can even reach for it, greeting whoever happens to be on the other line.

“Did you guys know Shania Twain was going to be here?” comes Harry’s voice over the line, high-pitched and like he’s holding in a scream.

Shania Twain.

Shania. Twain.

_ Shania Twain _ .

“Um, no, I did not,” Louis answers. “Is that what’s going on here?”

“Yes.”

Harry sounds like he might be struggling to breathe.

Louis turns in his seat, facing Liam. “Did you know Shania Twain was going to be performing here tonight?”

Liam shakes his head. “No idea. I guess that’s why we couldn’t get a decent hotel. I’m surprised we got a room at all.”

“Liam had no idea either,” Louis says into the phone. Harry screams in frustration.

“We have to go.”

“Harry.”

“Louis.”

“Harry.”

“ _ Louis. _ ”

There’s a desperate plea to his voice, and really? Louis was never very good at saying no to him.

“I’m assuming tickets are sold out,” Louis says. He hears Harry take a deep breath, maybe to try and plead his case, but Louis cuts him off. “But. We can see if any scalpers are selling any. And we can try and sneak in.”

Harry makes a garbled sound on the other end of the line. Louis isn’t convinced his soul hasn’t just left his body; that he hasn’t just died and gone to heaven.

“Oi, calm down,” Louis says, but he can’t help the smile breaking across his face. “We’ll see you at the hotel in ten.”

Harry doesn’t even bother with a response. He just makes another strangled noise and hangs up the phone.

Louis sets Zayn’s phone back into the center console. He doesn’t make eye contact with Zayn or Liam, diverting his gaze out the window.

“Lou.”

“I’m not talking about it.”

Zayn tries again. “Louis.”

“We’re not having this conversation.”

Zayn sighs in frustration. 

“We didn’t have this talk three years ago,” Zayn says. “And we haven’t had it since. But maybe it’s time.”

“Isn’t this supposed to be a cheerful trip?” Louis asks, but he can feel the hot sting of tears in his eyes and the lump in his throat.  _ This _ is why he’s put off talking about it for so long.

“Cheerful be damned,” Liam says from the backseat. Louis had almost forgot he was there. “Our friend is hurting. We should talk about it.”

Louis hums, noncommittal.

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Zayn says.

“Thank you-”

“But we’ll talk about it.”

“Fuck you.”

“By the time Liam and I are married, I have a feeling you and Harry will be back together.” He tightens his hands on the steering wheel. “It’s about time you two dickheads talked things out. Obviously, he was hurt when you cut things off  _ for no reason _ and didn’t want to talk to you, but you should have tried to reach out after things didn’t sting so bad. When the wound wasn’t so fresh.”

“It wasn’t for no reason,” Liam says.  _ Thank you, Liam,  _ Louis thinks,  _ I always knew you were on my side. _ “He was too afraid to settle down and move with Harry to Toronto because he’s afraid of commitment and healthy relationships. His relationship with Harry was going too well, so  _ of course _ he had to self-destruct it.” 

_ Fuck you, Liam _ .

“Anyway,” Zayn says with a wave of his hand. It seems like Liam and he might have had this argument before. “Either way, by the time we’re married you’ll either be friends again, boning, or engaged yourselves. Maybe you’ll finally move to Toronto.”

“His lease is up in August.” Liam is the least helpful person Louis’ ever met and he can’t believe his best friend is getting married to him. “If you guys work things out by the wedding, the first weekend in August, you can prove you’re serious and move to Toronto by the first of September. Not necessarily in with him, but the general area. There’s plenty of radio stations in the area, and Nick’s never stopped trying to get you to come work for him.”

“I don’t need this,” Louis mumbles, but he listens anyway.

“No, you don’t  _ want _ this,” Zayn corrects. “Unfortunately for you, you need this. Liam, Niall, and I are going to do our best to push you together whether you like it or not.”

Louis grumbles something unintelligible, but secretly, deep inside where he’ll never admit, he’s soaring. He knows he’s been blessed with friends who care about him. He could have ended up with friends who left him when he stupidly ended things with Harry three years ago, when he went off the deep end and tried to ruin his own life. They shouldn’t be trying, after all these years, to take care of him and fix his mess, but they  _ are _ .

“I can’t wait to be  _ your  _ best man,” Zayn says, reaching a hand sideways and flicking Louis in the earlobe. “Now, I guess the first step of my plan to get you guys back together would be to figure out how you’re going to get Harry into that concert.”

It’s a stupid plan, if it could even be called a plan at all.

“So basically we’re just going to go up to everyone until someone agrees to sell us a ticket?” Harry asks, dubious. “And if that doesn’t work, we’re going to sneak in?”

“Isn’t that what I told you on the phone?” Louis says in a huff. “I wasn’t lying.”

Harry rolls his eyes. “Whatever. Let’s just...figure out a way in.”

“Don’t act so thankful for me helping you!” Louis calls out as Harry starts walking away.

Harry turns on his heel, meeting Louis’ eyes with a piercing glare. “Honestly, I feel like this is the least you can do for me.”

This time, it’s Louis who rolls his eyes.

“Oh bullshit,” he says. “I thought we were just moving past it all?”

“I agreed to a truce for the sake of our friends, but I’m totally willing to talk about it if you’re mature enough for that conversation.”

Louis scoffs. “We don’t have time right now.”

“It seems like there’s never a good time for talks like that with you, is there?”

_ “Louis, I’m serious,” Harry said. His face came across as serious, expression dark as he stared Louis down. “Tell me you see a future here. Tell me you want it all with me. Tell me you want the house, the dogs, the kids, and the grey hair. Tell me you want to grow old with me and love all of my flaws forever.” _

_ Louis took a deep breath and swallowed audibly. Suddenly, it felt like the walls were closing in. What was he so afraid of? This was Harry. This was the same man who had seen him through food poisoning, his worst moods, and while he cried on the floor over a romance movie. This was Harry who had known him for almost six years now. They were best friends first, before they were anything else. They were the dream team. They talked about things. They bickered, sure, but what couple didn’t? They didn’t argue about  _ ** _real_ ** _ things. _

_ Except this wasn’t much of an argument. _

_ “If you’re not in this until the end, then tell me now,” Harry said, unwavering. “I’m not wasting any more time on you.” _

_ “I’m not going anywhere,” Louis lied. _

If Louis had been able to express his feelings back then, they probably wouldn’t be where they are now. If he had just told Harry he was afraid, Harry probably would have said that was natural but they would get through it. He couldn’t make the same mistake twice.

Except he could.

“We’ll talk later,” Louis lies.

Harry opens his mouth, probably to call Louis out for being a liar, but something catches his eye. He takes off in a jog down the sidewalk, chasing down a scalper holding a sign. His sign proclaims the cheapest price on tickets for the concert at  _ two-hundred and thirty dollars _ . 

Louis follows him at a slower pace. When he reaches them, it’s just in time to watch Harry’s face fall and to see his shoulders slump in defeat.

“What’s wrong, Haz?” Louis asks, the nickname slipping through without his permission.

“I don’t have enough cash on me.”

“That’s okay. I do,” Louis says, pulling out his wallet. “It’s not enough for both of us, but it’s enough to get you a ticket.”

“Lou, I can’t take your money,” Harry says in protest. He shakes his head furiously, even as his chin wobbles and his eyes tear up.

Louis shrugs his shoulders. “It’s like you said, it’s the least I can do for you.”

“The only reason I’m not arguing with you is because you’re a stubborn bastard,” Harry says, and a hint of a smile starts to take over his face.

“Are you buying a ticket or not?” the scalper asks, growing impatient.

Louis pulls out the cash from his wallet. He has enough to cover the whole cost of the ticket, but not much more. “Yeah, he’ll take one.”

“Louis-”

He holds up a hand to cut Harry off.

“Let me.”

Harry watches Louis hand over the money, taking the ticket from the scalper and tucking it into his own wallet. The scalper walks away, unbothered by the whole situation. He doesn’t feel the weight of it the way Louis does, feels the way it presses against his chest and makes it hard to breathe.

Harry thanks him one last time, and it almost feels like he means the words for more than this ticket, but Louis thinks he might be making it up. Just as Harry turns to go, to stand in the queue and wait the half hour before the doors open, Louis stops him.

“Haz!” He cocks an eyebrow, waiting for Louis to go on. “Record  _ Still The One _ for me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees, if not a little breathlessly.

Louis was right about them only being in one room in the hotel. It’s got two beds and a pull out mattress in the couch with lumps in all the wrong places. It’s already starting to hurt his back as he flops from side to side.

He’s also going to get stuck sharing a bed with Harry.

Zayn and Liam are, of course, sharing a bed. So he can’t be mad with them.

Unfortunately, Niall and Shawn had been watching Netflix in the other bed and then proceeded to fall asleep like that.

So.

If Louis doesn’t want to sleep on the floor - and he doesn’t - then he and Harry will just have to get over their differences and share a pull out mattress that barely fits one grown man.

He’s just about to drift asleep when he hears the beeping of a key card being swiped in the door. Harry tries to slip in quietly, but he’s anything but graceful and manages to stub his toe on the coffee table in the middle of the room, like he didn’t see it or something. He curses under his breath and Louis can’t stop the snort he lets out.

“Oh, you’re awake,” Harry whispers. 

“Yeah,” Louis says with a yawn. “How was the concert?”

“Incredible,” Harry says, voice a little in awe and breathless. “Want to see some videos?”

If it were anyone else asking, Louis would laugh in their face. No, he doesn’t want to see videos of a concert he didn’t go to, he would say. But it’s Harry. And he could never say no to Harry.

“Of course.”

Harry kicks off his boots. “Let me just change into my pajamas and I’ll come lay down.”

It feels too domestic and Louis has to remind his heart that it’s not allowed to swell like that anymore when he thinks about Harry.

Harry comes out of the bathroom just moments later, in black sweatpants and a grey long sleeve shirt that looks just a hair too small around his broad shoulders. He climbs into bed, slipping underneath the covers and pressing his cold toes to Louis’ ankles. It’s all too familiar and it  _ stings _ . Louis remembers nights where they would argue over Harry’s perpetual cold feet but his refusal to wear socks, instead stealing Louis’ body heat.

Harry plays video after video on his phone, but Louis doesn’t watch them. He watches the way Harry’s face lights up at his favorite parts, and the way he mumbles the lyrics to every song. He listens to the laughter when  _ Man, I Feel Like a Woman _ starts playing, and admires the way Harry can’t keep from wiggling his hips in the bed.

“Oh, this is  _ Still The One _ ,” he says, breaking Louis from the trance he’d fallen under.

The beginning of the video starts with Shania shushing the crowd. The arena actually listens, a hush falling over the thousands of people in the room. There’s something almost eerie about it.

Shania starts to sing and it’s clear as day. The video starts to tilt, and it’s obvious that Harry had been swaying to the music.

Thirty seconds in, Louis recognizes the deep voice that starts to sing along. At first, he thinks the sound is coming from the phone until he feels Harry’s breath ghost over the skin of his neck as he tucks himself in Louis’ side.

Harry is singing to him.

It takes Louis’ breath away, listening to Harry’s voice sing the loving lyrics with Shania. He’s always had a beautiful singing voice.

Harry locks his phone, even though the video isn’t even halfway over, effectively shutting off Shania’s voice.

“ _ You’re still the one I run to _ ,” he continues to sing, without any background music now.

Tears well up in Louis’ eyes and he shuts them as hard as he can to prevent it from turning into a full out breakdown. This moment feels too tender, too loving, too everything for their situation. There’s no reason that Harry should be singing this song to him right now.

Harry’s soft voice soothes him, though. It’s hard to remember that they’re not together, and will most likely not ever be together again, when Harry is singing so gently in his ear about a love that hasn’t died. He forgets that they’re in a hotel room with their best friends. He forgets they aren’t together anymore. For just this second in time, he allows himself to forget it all. He allows himself to bask in the moment.

He’s drifting into what he can tell is going to be the best sleep he’s had in a while, with Harry’s whole body draped over his, singing, “ _ Look how far we’ve come, my baby _ .”

Louis wakes up with a mouthful of hair that’s definitely not his. He hasn’t had hair long enough to get stuck in his own mouth since the year after he graduated from university. And as weird as it is, he thinks he recognizes the taste of strawberry shampoo - he once shared a bed with someone who used that same shampoo.

“You still snore,” Harry mumbles, face pressed into the one pillow still left on the pull out bed.

“How’d you know I was awake?” Louis asks, voice barely above a whisper. He doesn’t want to open his eyes all the way yet. He’s not ready to break the spell last night put them under.

“You stopped snoring.”

This pulls a snort out of Louis, who finally opens his eyes and takes in the sight before him. Harry’s hair is sprawled out in between them, longer than when they had broken up. He’d always said he wanted to grow it out. Sometime during the night, they’d shifted into a spooning position, with Louis as the big spoon. It’s reminiscent of many mornings they’d woken up like this - with Harry’s hair in Louis’ mouth and their limbs tangled together.

Usually those mornings ended with morning-breath kisses as they lazily explored each other’s bodies with their hands. 

This morning ends with Louis rolling from the bed and pushing his way into the bathroom.

Niall’s already in there, shirtless and dripping toothpaste all over his chest.

“Is there anything that you do that isn’t messy?” Louis asks, turning on the faucet and splashing cold water on his face. He instantly feels more awake.

“Nope.” Niall pops the ‘p’ and sprays toothpaste onto the mirror. Louis wrinkles his nose, reaching over and grabbing his face wash.

“You’re disgusting.”

Niall only shrugs, unbothered.

“Do you have an idea on what you want to do today?” he asks, leaning over and spitting into the sink, just barely missing Louis’ head as he bends to scrub at his face. “Liam’s giving us some options.”

Louis rinses off his face and dabs at it with the hotel’s scratchy towel. He’s always loved scratchy towels more than soft ones, has always felt like they do more to dry him off, and it’s a fight that Harry and he used to have frequently.

_ “Louis,” Harry called from the bathroom. “Where are my towels?” _

_ “Uh, in the guest bathroom.”  _

_ “What are they doing in the guest bathroom?” _

_ He came padding out of the attached bathroom, feet sticking softly to the bathroom tile and the bedroom’s hardwood. A stern pout formed on his face, making him look more adorable than intimidating.  _

_ They’d finally signed a lease together, after almost two years of dating. Louis’ lease had ended first, so he’d moved in with Harry while they searched for a place to call their own. They found a perfect two bedroom, two bathroom apartment on the outskirts of the city. It was quieter here. They’d converted the second bedroom into an office and guest bedroom hybrid, the perfect space for Harry to get editing and writing done. _

_ “They don’t do a good job,” Louis said. _

_ Harry snorted, pout breaking as a wide smile spread across his face, dimples popping.  _

_ “Don’t do a good job?” he asked. _

_ “They’re too soft. I don’t feel dry,” Louis said defensively.  _

_ Harry squawked, crossing the room and jumping onto their bed. He reached out and dug his fingers into Louis’ side. Louis laughed, free and happy, throwing his head back as he let himself be attacked. _

_ “You’re the most ridiculous man I’ve ever met,” Harry teased. “But I’d be happy to use your scratchy towels for the rest of my life.” _

_ “Rest of your life?” Louis asked, quirking an eyebrow. “I think I like the sound of that.” _

There’s nothing particularly notable about that morning, but as Louis’ starting to realize, most of the memories his brain is bringing up  _ aren’t  _ the big things. They’re the small moments where they were in their own little bubble, hidden from the pain of the world. It hurts more to think of how they so seamlessly worked together, how easy it had been to move in together and think about the rest of their lives.

Louis wishes he had been more mature.

He wishes the thought of marriage and kids and a house hadn’t scared him so much. He wishes he hadn’t already been having doubts by the time Harry brought up his promotion. He wishes so much, but mostly he wishes to go back in time and start from the beginning.

“Lou?” Niall asks, catching his attention. “What do you want to do today?”

“Oh, uh.” Louis’ stomach growls, answering the question for him. “Get some food, definitely.”

“That is first on the list,” Liam says from the doorway. “Now hurry up, we’re basically just waiting on you guys and Harry so we can get a move on. We’re going to get breakfast and then drive to Saskatoon.”

Louis salutes him. “Aye aye, captain.”

All it earns is an eye roll as Liam heads back into the main room.

Niall nudges Louis’ side with his shoulder. Louis turns to him, eyebrow raised.

“What?”

“ _ Still the one I run to _ ,” Niall starts to sing. Louis quickly elbows him in the side, shushing him. 

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“And you looked awfully cozy-”

“Hey,” Harry says as he stumbles in. He’s rubbing sleep away from his eyes, hair pressed flat on one side of his head. “Do you guys mind if I use the bathroom?”

“Oh, no problem at all,” Niall says suggestively. Louis wonders what he’s even trying to be suggestive about. “Lou and I were done, anyways. Make yourself pretty, Hazza.”

The door shuts behind them as they exit. Louis elbows Niall in the side again.

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that?”

Niall shrugs, like he doesn’t really care. “I can’t wait for you to tell me all the gory details in the car.”

“Can I ride with you?” Zayn asks. “I want to hear the details too.”

“Sure,” Niall says. “And then we can also scheme about how else to get them together.”

“Wait, I want in on this too,” Liam says, looking up from his phone. “We can look at the itinerary and figure out the best places to ditch them and leave them together.”

“Okay, cool.” Niall claps his hands together. “I guess Shawn and Harry will be in one car, then.”

“Wait, I didn’t agree to-”

Louis cuts Shawn off. “Do you guys think he can hear us in there?”

The toilet flushes.

“Oh, definitely,” Niall says. “Whatever.”

The sound of the faucet turning on confirms Louis’ worst fears. 

“When this wedding stuff is over, I’m cutting you all out of my will,” he says.

“You already have a will?” Niall looks like he’s questioning everything about his life.

“No, but I’m going to make one just to cut you out of it.”

Harry finally emerges from the bathroom, looking fresh faced and hair tamed into a high bun on top of his head. Louis wonders if he uses scrunchies, and then decides he’s not allowed to wonder things like that anymore.

“Ready to go?” he asks, and there’s something so familiar about the way he scrunches his nose to keep from laughing. “I’m starving.”

This prompts an argument between the group on where they should grab breakfast. Liam votes for somewhere fast so they can spend more time doing things in Saskatoon, but Niall and Shawn have apparently picked out somewhere without consulting anyone else. They’ve set their minds to going there, holding firm in their stance even as Liam starts to darken at the cheeks in frustration.

While Liam argues with Niall, Louis takes his time to google the place they’re so dead set on going to. It doesn’t look like anything special, just a normal cafe. He looks over the menu, not finding anything particularly appetizing.

“Wait, guys,” he interrupts. “We can’t go there.”

“Lou, if you’re mad at me for the bathroom this morning-”

“No, you idiot.” Louis’ cheeks flame as he avoids glancing over to Harry. “There’s no vegan options.”

“Oh.” Niall runs a hand through his hair. “Well. Then we’ll just go wherever Liam said, then.” 

He doesn’t sound upset, which is what Louis loves so much about Niall. He’s always been so easy-going, so ready to change their plans and do what everyone else wants to do. It’s one of the reasons it felt like a missing puzzle piece had finally been found when they had met each other at the radio station. 

“Wait, I don’t think there’s vegan options at this place, either,” Liam says sheepishly, biting his lip. “Sorry, Haz. I don’t think any of us thought about that.”

“Guys, it’s not that big of a deal,” Harry says, smiling casually at Liam. “I swear, it’s easy to find something to eat. Almost everywhere we would go for breakfast has fruit and coffee, which is what I have at home anyway.”

Liam and Niall start arguing again, now that Harry’s taken care of, and the rest of the group settles back into their seats to wait it out.

A foot kicks gently at Louis’ shin. 

“Thanks,” Harry says. He sounds like he means it, and Louis’ heart soars. “You’ve always been good at looking out for me.”

“Not that good at it, though.” Louis thinks that if he were so good at looking out for Harry, they’d be married with two dogs and maybe a baby by now. If he really had Harry’s best interests at heart, he’d have taken the job working with Nick. He’d have paid to break the lease at their shared apartment and moved to Toronto the next day. That’s what Harry needed him to do. 

“Maybe not always,” Harry agrees. “But humans have flaws.”

“Haven’t quite found yours yet,” Louis tries to joke, chuckling softly.

“I’ve got them, promise.” 

“You ready, lads?” Niall chimes in. “We’ve decided to go wherever Liam wants to go. But I get to pick what we do in Saskatoon.”

“That sounds like my idea of the worst time ever,” Louis says, no heat behind it. 

“Oh yeah, Harry you’re riding with Shawn!” Niall calls over his shoulder once they’re in the parking lot. The rest of them pile into the second car, Niall twirling the keys over his index finger.

“Wait, just me and Shawn?” Harry asks. He’s paused with the door open, one foot inside and the other placed on the pavement below. “You’re all going to ride together?”

He sounds hurt.

Which is fair, Louis thinks.

Liam, Zayn, and Niall are Harry’s friends too. It used to be all of them, before Louis went and fucked it up. He can see what it seems like - that they’re choosing Louis’ side over his. That they’d rather ride with Louis than him. It must feel like he’s been exiled from the group for something that wasn’t even his fault.

Also, Harry doesn’t really know Shawn.

Niall joined their group only four years ago, when he and Louis started doing a sports segment together on the radio. This was roughly a year before Louis ended things with Harry, and they got to know each other well. Shawn, however, didn’t come around until after Harry moved to Toronto, brought around because he and Niall played in a hockey league together.

So it could be a silent car ride, or Shawn and Harry could be a perfect friendship match for each other.

“Um.” Liam shifts uncomfortably, hand halfway in the air to the door handle. “It looks like it.”

“Cool.” Harry finishes climbing into the car and slams the door shut. 

Louis winces as the sound hits his ear. It’s obvious that Harry is upset, and he’s got every right to be. This shouldn’t feel like a high school field trip, with everyone in cliques and groups and excluding one another.

“Guys, if he’s going to be upset-”

Zayn cuts him off. “If one of us gets in that car, he’s going to think we’re pitying him. It’s better to just include him in the next thing.”

“You’re right,” Louis sighs. 

“Now get in the car and tell us all about the wild sex you guys had last night.”

“ _ Jesus fucking Christ, Niall. _ ”

They’re only an hour and a half into the three hour drive to Saskatoon, and Louis is going to bash his head in.

“We have to pull over at the next rest stop,” he says. “And I’m getting in the car with Shawn and Harry.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Niall laughs. “We’re not even halfway through our plan to get you and Harry back together.”

Louis lets out a dramatic sigh and leans back against the seat. They’ve been discussing ways Louis could prove that he’s serious about their relationship this time, but so far no one’s really come up with anything concrete.

“I think, if anyone cares what I have to say-” Louis can sense the way everyone tenses as he speaks up about their ideas for the first time, “-that the only way to prove to Harry that I’m not going to run away like a scared little boy is to not run away like a scared little boy. It’s going to take time. It’s been, like, four days. Everything’s not going to heal in  _ four days _ .”

The trio is silent for a breath, taking in his words. 

“You’re right,” Zayn finally says. “You’re...right.”

“I think that’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that.”

“I think it’s the first time I’ve ever said it.”

“Fair enough.” 

Louis settles back into the seat and lets his head rest against the window. Once again, they’ve let Niall drive the car, so his head rattles against the glass as they hit every pothole and bump and he swerves in his lane. He wonders how Niall even managed to get his license, honestly. There had to have been some cheating involved. 

He must manage to fall asleep because the next thing he registers is the slamming of car doors. The door he happens to find himself leaning upon swings open from beneath him, sending the top half of his body tumbling from the car while his bottom half stays firmly buckled within the seat. 

“What the  _ fuck _ ?” he exclaims while partially hanging upside down.

“You look good from this angle,” Niall says, reaching down and helping him get upright.

“I look good from every angle,” Louis grunts. Once he’s finally upright, he unbuckles his seatbelt and climbs from the car like a normal human. “You’re all dickheads.”

He shifts uncomfortably on his feet, picking invisible lint from his shirt. He can’t quite help the feeling that everyone’s looking at him and judging him, despite these being his best friends and nobody’s even got their eyes on him. He wonders where this self-consciousness is coming from.

The hotel overlooks the water across from them, and Louis can already tell the inside is gorgeous, if it is half as beautiful as the outside. There’s so much green space despite being in the heart of downtown, and the hotel is more windows than walls. He wonders how much Zayn and Liam are paying for the place.

He remembers offering to help pay for the trip, but being turned down before he could even finish the sentence. Louis’ not quite sure what Liam’s parents do for a living, but he knows they’re  _ loaded _ . He graduated still without any expenses of his own and came into a hefty inheritance when he turned twenty-five. When he and Zayn announced their engagement, Liam’s parents took care of the cost of the wedding, the groom shower, and the bachelor party. Liam said they had plenty of money to cover the trip, don’t worry about the cost, just come out and have fun.

So that’s what Louis’ trying to do.

“Do you think we’ll get a room with a view?” 

Harry’s voice sends butterflies to his stomach, no matter how many times Louis hears him talk. 

“I think it might be impossible not to,” he answers. “It looks like the whole place is surrounded by views.”

“If one of us ends up with a room with a view and the other doesn’t, I’ll fight you for it,” Harry says, so seriously that Louis has to laugh. Harry could end up in a room with a view of a graffiti concrete wall, and he’d never even say anything, let alone fight someone over it. In fact, it’d be such a Harry thing to say something like, “At least I get to look at art.”

“We can just share the room, mate,” Louis laughs without even thinking about the words he’s saying. Are they at that stage where they can share a room if they don’t have to? He’s not sure. 

“I guess there’s always that,” Harry says, so maybe they are at that point. Louis wonders if they’ll ever talk about things or if he’ll be stuck forever worrying about where they stand, and if he’s crossing a line. That sounds like an awful way to live, but then again, Harry lives in Toronto. After the wedding, they’ll probably never interact again.

He doesn’t like that idea very much.

It doesn’t seem fair that he’s finally getting Harry back in his life, after foolishly pushing him away, only to lose him again so quickly. He spent three years trying to forget their love, their friendship, and everything that made Harry so perfect, only for it to all come rushing back after five days together.

Whoever’s watching over him is probably getting a good laugh out of this.

“What’s the plan for today?” he asks, trying to distract himself.

“Niall wants to go to a bunch of museums,” Liam says. “And Zayn wants to go to this one art museum, and I don’t particularly care.”

Louis shrugs. “I don’t necessarily care, either.”

“Museums it is!” Niall exclaims, fist pumping. 

“After we check in,” Liam says. “There’s only two rooms, I think. One has a king bed and the other one has two doubles.”

“And obviously, Liam might be too polite to say it, but we’re taking the one bedroom,” Zayn chimes in. “The rest of you can figure out your sleeping situation tonight. I give no fucks who you choose to snuggle up to.”

Louis hopes his excitement doesn’t show on his face - another night of him and Harry forced into the same room. Maybe they’ll come out of this trip as friends, after all. 

It only takes one trip for them to get their things inside, with Louis and Niall actually helping bring things in. Liam was right - there’s one king bed and two double beds. Louis thinks some of this might be intentional. Niall and Shawn obviously have something going on between them, and everyone is conspiring to get Harry and Louis back together, so it’s only logical they would all end up in the same room. 

He wonders if by the end of the trip they’ll have three separate rooms, and somehow “accidentally” Harry and Louis will end up sharing.

(He hopes).

They meet back up in the lobby, and Niall chats excitedly about the museums he has on his list. Louis hadn’t thought Niall would be the type to get so excited about museums, but it’s nice to see. His heart always feels just a pinch bigger when he sees his friends getting excited about their passions.

They’re sitting on the couches in the lobby when Harry leans over to him and whispers, “You’re making that face.”

“What face?” Louis asks, turning to him. “I have a face? Wait. Yes, I have a face. What kind of face are you talking about?”

“Your fond face,” Harry explains. “Whenever you see something you think is cute or makes you happy, you scrunch your nose and mouth up. I used to catch you doing it at me all the time.”

And Louis remembers.

_ “Why are you looking at me like that?” Harry asked, giggling. “All scrunchy like a little mouse.” _

_ “Like a mouse?” Louis screeched, faux-indignant. “I’m much cuter than a mouse.” _

_ “Well, to me you are.” Harry shrugged. “Some people might disagree.” _

_ “So are you going to explain to me what face I’m making or will I have to tickle it out of you?” Louis poked his sock covered toes into Harry’s ribs.  _

_ “No tickling!” Harry held his hands up in surrender. “It’s just a face you make when you look at me. I always wonder what you’re thinking when I catch you looking like that.” _

_ “I can’t help it.” Louis sat up and scooted closer to Harry’s end of the couch. “My face just naturally does it when I look at you, think about you, or someone brings you up. I love you, or whatever.” _

_ “You love me?” Harry’s eyes widened. “And you have a dedicated ‘Harry face?’” _

_ “I guess so.” Louis smiled crookedly, using one hand to grip Harry’s chin and pull him in for a chaste kiss. “I really love you.” _

_ Breathless, Harry whispered back, “I love you too.” _

“I used to call it your ‘Harry face,’” he says. His face falls as he averts his eyes to the ground. “I guess it’s not really reserved for me any more.”

Before Louis can respond, the elevator doors ding open and Zayn and Liam step out. They’re giggling and can’t keep their hands from wandering all over each other’s bodies and suddenly Louis doesn’t know if he can take it any longer.

He can feel his palms start to get clammy and his face heat up. 

“Lou? You okay?” Zayn asks, coming into his line of vision. “You look really pale and sweaty.”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” he manages to get out between gritted teeth. “Maybe you guys should go without me.”

“Do you want one of us to stay back with you?”

Louis shakes his head. “No, I think Niall would cut my head right off my shoulders if I stopped him from seeing the museums today. You guys enjoy the day, I’ll catch you at dinner.”

The group gives him varying looks of concern before they all must decide there’s no convincing him to join. He feels kind of bad - he feels more like he’s been a burden this trip than anything else. He’s not the fun, party guy he used to be.

He’s just starting towards the elevator when he hears footsteps approaching him. He presses the up button and turns to glance at who’s joined him.

Harry.

Out of all of them that he expected to stay back, it definitely wouldn’t be Harry. He wonders if this is part of Zayn and Liam’s plan, convincing Harry that _somebody _should stay back to keep Louis company and that somebody had to be Harry.

The elevator dings as the doors open. They step in silently and Harry presses the button for their floor. Louis isn’t sure he’s ever heard silence quite so loud.

They’re quiet the whole ride back to their room, all eight floors, and silent down the hallway. The door clicks shut behind them and Louis is sure they’re about to spend the whole night uncomfortably dancing around each other.

“I’m sorry.”

Louis turns from his suitcase at the end of one of the beds, eyebrow cocked. 

“You’re sorry?”

Harry kicks at the leg of the desk. “Yes.”

“For?”

He lets out a loud sigh and throws himself dramatically onto the opposite bed. He’s always been one for theatrics, Louis thinks. Everyone always thought Louis was the diva, but it was definitely Harry.

“I’m sorry for bringing that up,” Harry says to the ceiling. “I shouldn’t have said something like that. I knew it would make you uncomfortable. It was a total dick move.”

Louis sits himself carefully down on the edge of his own bed. “This whole trip makes me uncomfortable.”

Harry still doesn’t look at him. It might be easier for them to have this conversation without looking at each other, anyway. 

“Like.” Louis wipes his sweaty palms on his shorts before trying again. “Like I never really got over you. And I know that sounds so stupid because I’m the one who broke up with you and was stupid and fucked it all up. But. I never let myself get over you. I haven’t dated anyone in three years. I just. I pushed you from my mind and nobody talked about you and it was like someone died and we didn’t grieve.” He inhales a shaky breath. “And now suddenly you’re here and it’s like seeing a ghost. Because I can’t touch you and things aren’t the same so maybe it would have been better if I went the rest of my life pretending you never existed to me.”

The room crackles with silence and Louis worries he might go insane if Harry doesn’t say something soon. After what seems like an eternity, the bed springs creak and Harry rolls over to face Louis. 

“I spent so long thinking about what I would say to you when I finally saw you,” he says slowly. “I knew you’d be here, obviously. And I-” he inhales a loud breath, just as unsteady as Louis feels, “-and I thought I wanted to hurt you. Hurt you in the way you hurt me. But it didn’t take me long to see you were already hurting.”

“I’ve been hurting since the day you drove away,” Louis admits, feeling small. “I should have called. I should have apologized. We should still be together. We should be happy in Toronto, maybe with a dog or two.”

“A whole lot of ‘we should be’ and not a whole lot of ‘we are.’” Harry rolls back over onto his back and Louis doesn’t have anything else to say to him.

It takes five hours to drive to Edmonton, and Louis doesn’t say a single word the whole way there. Niall and Shawn flirt relentlessly in the front seat, their fingers tangling together and giggling and singing along to the radio together. Louis hates it.

He’s happy for them. But he wishes they would shut up.

It’s just past noon when they pull into the hotel parking lot and he doesn’t even have the energy to want to go from the car to the hotel room so he can collapse on the bed. He manages to trudge from the car and grab his own bag to carry to one of the rooms. This time they’ve managed to snag two rooms with two double beds, so maybe Louis might get some relief from sharing with Harry.

No such luck.

His friends are dicks.

Niall, Shawn, Liam, and Zayn all pile into the first room, dropping their things on the beds and avoiding eye contact with Louis, who gives them his best death glare.

He can tell this is part of their plan, forcing him and Harry to share rooms in hopes they’ll make up. Luckily, they won’t have to share a bed, and Louis’ always been good at giving the silent treatment. He and Harry probably won’t even say a word to each other. What is there to say to each other after their talk from the night before?

Harry sighs and takes the second room key and goes to the room down the hall. Louis follows, resigned to his fate. 

The keycard beeps and Harry pushes the door open, only to stop just short of the doorway.

“Haz-” Louis starts, but cuts off when he sees what’s stopped Harry. “Oh.”

One bed.

_ Bastards _ .

Harry spins around, eye frantic. “We could complain.”

“They planned this.” Louis shakes his head. “I can sleep on the couch.”

“There’s no couch.”

Louis closes his eyes and counts to five. He doesn’t feel any better when he opens them again. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”

“I could sleep in the bathtub,” Harry offers. “Like that time in university.”

Louis snorts. “We could always suck it up and share the bed. We did it once already. In Regina.”

“That was on accident.”

“What’s the difference?” Louis shrugs like he isn’t bothered, but his insides are screaming at him to just buy a plane ticket and fly home to Winnipeg.

Harry doesn’t look convinced, but he nods anyway. “I call the side closest to the window.”

“I know.” Louis drops his bag on the side of the bed closest to the door. 

Harry drops his bag near the window and gently sits down on the edge of the bed. He leans forward onto his knees, propped up by his elbows, holding his face in the palms of his hands. Louis wonders what he’s thinking.

He doesn’t have to wonder for long.

“It’s hard because sometimes you feel like a stranger,” Harry says. “But a stranger who knows everything about me.”

“I wish it were different.” Louis doesn’t know what else to say. Time and time again, Harry keeps leaving him without words. He wishes they could get past this awkwardness - that they could get closure and be normal friends again. He wishes he had just gone to Toronto. He wishes things were anything but they are now.

“It could be.”

Before Louis can think much about that - think about the hope in Harry’s voice - there’s a knock on the door. It’s Niall of course, slamming his palm against the wood until Louis swings the door open with an annoyed expression.

“You’re a child,” he says.

Niall shrugs like he doesn’t really care. “We’re going to the mall.”

“Can we go to the waterpark?”

“Niall.” Louis sighs and rubs his temples. “None of us brought swimsuits.”

“We’re at a mall. We can just  _ buy  _ some.”

“Can we go to the waterpark tomorrow?” Trying to reason with Niall is like trying to reason with a six year old, so he knows he needs to think of a distraction. “What if we went bowling or something today?”

“What if we ate first?” Zayn grumbles, just loud enough for Niall to pick up on.

“Oh. Food.” His eyes widen. “There’s so many options. How do we  _ choose _ ?”

“We should go to the dinner theatre for dinner,” Liam offers. “And then find something else for lunch. Since I don’t think any of us have eaten since the hotel breakfast before we left. I think Zayn might be getting hangry.”

Zayn nods.

“What if we all separated for lunch and then met back up to go to the amusement park or something?” Louis doesn’t want to waste thirty minutes arguing with the group about where they should eat.

“I think that’s the first good idea you’ve had all trip,” Niall teases. “I want Chinese food.”

“I read about this organic place they’ve got on the first floor, so I think I’m going to head there,” Harry says. “I doubt anyone else wants that, so I can just meet up with you somewhere else.”

“Haz, you shouldn’t have to go alone.” Louis wants to reach out and touch Harry, but he manages to keep his hands firmly by his sides. “I can go with you. Wouldn’t hurt me to eat a little healthier.”

“Good plan,” Liam says. “Since we all want to go clog our arteries, you guys can go do that. Meet us in an hour at Galaxyland.”

Louis salutes him and turns towards the stairs. He doesn’t even bother to check and see if Harry’s joining him. He’s trying to act like he doesn’t care.

“You don’t have to try so hard,” Harry says, catching up to him. 

“No. I do.” Louis glances at him out of the corner of his eye. “I never tried hard enough, so I have to make up for it now.”

“Right.” Harry doesn’t sound like he believes him, but he doesn’t say anything else so Louis counts it as a win. 

Lunch isn’t as awkward as expected. Of course, there’s this underlying  _ something  _ with every interaction they have, but they manage to ignore it. They joke and it’s not like it how it used to be, but it’s not necessarily bad. It’s like two friends who haven’t seen each other in a while and are trying to get back into the groove of things.

It’s hopeful.

They’re in the middle of cleaning up Harry’s mess - Louis made him laugh while he was drinking some sort of green juice and he snorted it all over the table - when both of their phones start buzzing. Harry’s phone lights up with a photo of him and Liam, both red and sweaty and smiling. Louis’ heart aches when he realizes he doesn’t have a clue when that picture could have been taken. He’s missed out on so much by being an idiot.

Harry answers the call, still wiping away at the table with a napkin. 

“Hello?” He gives Louis a warm smile and extends his hand across the table for more napkins. Louis places them in his hand and tries to contain his smile as Harry tries to clean up the spill with one hand. “Oh shit, didn’t realize it’d been so long. We’ll be there in five minutes, I swear. Do not go on any rides without us!”

He hangs up the phone and places all of the napkins into his empty bag. “Did you know we’ve been down here for almost an hour and a half?”

Louis checks the time on his phone. It has been almost that long.

He shakes his head. “No, I didn’t realize.”

“Well, they’re threatening to start riding all the rides without us, so I suggest we head out.” Harry stands and collects all their trash. Louis follows behind him, trying his best to keep up with his long legs. They’d always had a problem when walking together, Harry two steps in front of Louis due to his long legs and fast pace. Louis used to always beg him to slow down, feeling like a child as he was pulled by the hand everywhere they went. 

The other four are standing outside the entrance when they arrive, not following through on their threat to go on without them. Zayn’s got the most smug smile on his face, not even trying to hide it. Liam looks about the same, but at least he’s covering his mouth with a hand.

“About time!” Niall yells. He doesn’t even care that a whole crowd has turned around to glare at him. “We don’t have time to waste!”

“A literal fucking child,” Louis groans, but allows himself to be pulled inside. 

“Dealing with the couples all day drains me,” Harry mumbles, face first into the pillow. Louis has to resist reaching over and running his fingers through Harry’s curls. They’re longer now, even more tempting than when they were cropped closer to his head.

“Do you think that’s what we were like?”

Harry lifts his head from the pillow and narrows his eyes at Louis. “Absolutely.”

Louis throws his head back and laughs, mostly at Harry’s expression. It’s like he’s offended to be lumped into the same category as both Zayn and Liam and, now, Niall and Shawn. 

“We may have been annoying, but we were like. A cute kind of annoying.”

“Right.” Louis nods, going along with it. “The kind of annoying that couples wish they could have been.”

“Exactly. Now you get it.” Harry drops his head back down, hiding his smile in the pillow. Louis only notices because he can see the indent of a dimple in his cheek. 

Just moments later, Harry’s asleep, snoring loudly and spread out like a starfish, with one foot digging into Louis’ leg. 

_ “Harry, Harry. Haz. Hazza. Harry!”  _

_ Louis sighed, trying his best to push Harry to the other side of the bed. He had just started allowing Harry to stay the night, and so far it was good, but he had a huge problem with spreading out across the entire bed and he wouldn’t move even when Louis pushed him.  _

_ And he snored. _

_ Louis thought it was cute at first, but now he thought it might be affecting his own sleep. He had never shared a bed before. It was  _ ** _hard_ ** _ .  _

_ He laid on his back and stared at the ceiling, wondering how this was going to work out. Their relationship wasn’t that new, and he didn’t think this was a valid reason to break up with someone, but his sleep schedule was suffering.  _

_ He wasn’t sure how long he was laying there before Harry woke himself up. _

_ “Lou?” _

_ “Yeah, babe?” Louis turned his head and smiled softly at Harry. No matter how tired he was, Harry always made him smile.  _

_ “Can’t you sleep?” _

_ “No.” He sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. He didn’t know if he should tell Harry the truth. “You snore.” _

_ Harry snorted. “Oh my god.” He rolled over onto his side and kept laughing, eyes halfway closed and voice deeper with sleep. “I’m so sorry. I always snore when I fall asleep on my stomach.” _

_ “Yeah, well.” Louis smiled. “It sucks.” _

_ Harry opened his arms and pulled Louis into him, wrapping his arms around his waist and tucking his face into Louis’ neck. _

_ “Better?” _

_ But Louis was already drifting off. _

Louis can’t very well wake Harry now and ask to cuddle. They may be slowly fixing their damaged relationship, but they aren’t quite at that stage yet. He would just have to suffer until Harry rolled over onto his side and stopped his own snoring.

He closes his eyes and hopes he won’t be awake too much longer. 

Louis wakes up with his face mushed into the pillow, on his stomach, with an arm thrown around his back and a body tucked into his side. The person’s breath tickles the back of his neck, causing the baby hairs there to dance.

“Harry Styles,” he grumbles, not even able to open his eyes yet. “Harry Styles, your boner is poking into my hip.”

“Sorry ‘bout it.” Harry isn’t even awake enough to sound sorry. He just buries his face further into Louis’ neck, the soft skin of his lips pressed against Louis’ shoulder.

“Let go of me, you oaf.” Louis doesn’t trying to make an effort to move. 

Harry just tightens his hold around Louis’ waist.

“This is oddly intimate for two platonic friends,” Louis tries again. 

“All of my friends have definitely woken up with my boner pressed against them before.” Harry sounds more awake now, a hint of teasing in his tone. 

“I’m not sure what kind of girl you take me as, but you’ve got to take me on at least three dates before you can press your boner against me.” 

Harry snorts out a laugh. “I think I meet that requisite.” But he rolls over anyway and Louis sighs in relief. 

Louis gets maybe another fifteen minutes of light sleep before there’s a pounding on the door.

“Losers!” Niall’s voice is loud even through the wood. “We’re getting a start on the day! No time to waste! Today’s our last day here!”

“We hear you, asshole!” Louis yells back. “Be out in fifteen!”

This must satisfy Niall because the pounding stops.

“If I have to ride another roller coaster I think I might lose my shit,” Harry mumbles into the pillow. “I’m too old to ride rollercoasters.”

“Don’t be a baby.” 

Louis goes into the bathroom, swiping a hand over the pillow marks in his cheek. He got a suspicious amount of good sleep for the night, and he fully believes it has something to do with who he shared his bed with for the night. He hasn’t had sleep that good in three years. He wishes he could pretend that it wasn’t related.

He brushes his teeth and fixes his hair and gives himself a pep talk. He will not fuck this up. Whatever direction things are going with Harry, he  _ won’t  _ mess it up. He decides, staring at his face in the mirror, that he will prove to Harry that he’s a changed man, ready to settle down and fix the mistakes he made from their first go-around.

He reemerges from the bathroom, feeling slightly more confident. 

“Took you long enough and I don’t even see a difference,” Harry teases. He slips into the bathroom, the bare skin of his chest brushing against Louis’ arm. Goosebumps develop on his arm, body reacting the same way time and time again to Harry’s closeness.

It takes them almost twenty minutes to get ready because Harry can’t get his hair to lay right and when they finally enter the hallway, Niall is standing against the wall, arms crossed and pouting.

“We’re literally only here until tomorrow morning and you two want to dilly-dally around.” He flicks Louis on the nose and pinches Harry’s nipple and returns to his normal perky self. 

Breakfast is uneventful, a quick stop to McDonald’s on their way to the mall. Niall is adamant they don’t waste a single second. Louis doesn’t see what the big deal is - it’s a  _ mall _ . He says as much.

“Louis.” Niall closes his eyes and rubs at the bridge of his nose before opening his eyes again. “It’s not  _ just  _ a mall. There’s a rollercoaster in the mall. There’s an aquarium. Do I need to say more?”

Neither of those things explain exactly what is so cool about the mall besides that they took things that aren’t normally in a mall and put them there. But he doesn’t feel like listening to Niall preach about how cool the place is so he just nods and throws on his best excited expression. He figures it’s the least he can do after he feels like he’s been such a drag on the whole trip.

“I booked us for the escape room,” Liam says, squinting at the scream of his phone. Louis’ ninety-nine percent sure the guy’s an old man trapped in a young man’s body. He uses one pointer finger to text. That’s all the proof Louis needs. “We should honestly probably head over that way now, and then we’ll have the rest of the day to do whatever Niall wants.”

The escape room is a bad idea.

“I don’t know why you can’t just fucking-” Niall doesn’t even finish his sentence, instead breaking off into a frustrated scream. He’s not even yelling at anyone in particular, just repeatedly opening and closing the same cabinet, as if something he missed is going to pop out at him.

“I think his heart’s going to give out,” Harry whispers to him. “He’s too small for this kind of stress.”

Louis snorts and glances to the other side of the room where Zayn and Liam are just smashing every button they can. 

“Do you think this is going to be the reason they call off their wedding?”

“I hope not,” Harry says. “I’ve spent a decent amount of money on their bachelor party.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask you about that.” 

Louis knows, as Zayn’s best man, he’s supposed to plan the bachelor party. But Zayn and Liam want a  _ combined  _ bachelor party for whatever reason, which means that even once the road trip is over with, Louis is going to have to interact closely with Harry. 

“What about it?” Harry furrows his eyebrows, lips turning down in a frown. 

“Nothing bad,” Louis assures him. “They just want a combined party. I’m sure Liam mentioned it to you. So we’ve, uh, got to figure a time to sit down and plan.”

“Oh.” Harry’s shoulders relax, tension slipping from them. “I’m going back to Toronto right after the road trip, but we can definitely FaceTime whenever. I’ve got a pretty lenient schedule. I can go in and leave whenever I want as long as the work gets done, basically.”

Louis nods. “And I still do the late shift at the station.”

Harry seems surprised by this.

“You do? I thought you wanted to switch to mornings, like during rush hour. More people forced to listen to you, and all.”

“Well, that’s what Grimshaw offered me in Toronto.” Louis shrugs. “But. They don’t want to give me that here. Say my humor’s not right for the morning crowd. Too many people to offend.”

“I did always say that people just don’t understand you.” 

“Are you two jackasses going to help or just stand there looking pretty?” Niall shouts from across the room. He’s still struggling with the cabinet. Louis’ a bit worried for his sanity.

“I feel like we should take pity on them,” Harry says.

“Oh definitely. You figured it out too?” 

Niall’s pissed.

“I just.” He slaps his hand on the table. “The four of us spent thirty minutes trying to figure out the clues while you two just stood there and then I ask you to help and you-” He slaps his hand on the table again. “And you just find all the keys in ten minutes!”

“We’re a good team,” Harry says. “We’ve always worked better together than any of the rest of you.”

It’s a compliment, Louis knows, but it  _ hurts _ . They are a good team. Or were a good team. They’re not much of a team now. 

“Fucking assholes is what you are,” Zayn says, but he’s laughing and his eyes are soft. He’s looking right at Louis, and Louis can’t take it. He can’t take how familiar this all feels, how being in this group feels like they’ve been transported to three or four years ago, before it all went to shit. When they did things like this regularly and Louis and Harry kicked ass, and Zayn was the only one who was never upset by it.

Harry shrugs. “You’re just mad because you know we’re going to upstage you at all the games at the bachelor party.”

“Fucking hell, I forgot about that,” Niall groans. “I don’t want to go now.”

Louis’ warm and comfortable and he has no desire to get out of bed, despite the loud pounding at the door. 

Unfortunately, the pounding at the door doesn’t stop.

“Assholes,” Harry mumbles from behind him, breath tickling the back of his neck. It doesn’t take Louis long to realize that Harry’s leg is in between both of his, arm thrown around his waist, and face tucked into the back of his neck. They’ve got to stop running into each other like this.

“Niall, can we get ten more minutes?” Louis yells without opening his eyes.

“It’s Liam actually, and no you cannot. We already let you two jackasses sleep in an extra thirty minutes.”

“Fucking hell,” Louis says, more to himself than anyone else. Louder, he calls, “Fine! We’re getting up!”

Louis hears him walk down the hall back towards his own room. And he goes to climb out of bed, he really does, but Harry’s tightening his arm around his waist and nuzzling in closer and Louis’ so  _ weak _ .

“We can’t get ten more minutes, but we can get five,” Harry says, and they both know Liam would be upset but Louis can’t say no.

Which is why they’re the last ones out to the car and neither of them have bothered to do anything with their hair and Louis’ pretty sure he’s already worn this outfit. If Liam didn’t want this to happen, he wouldn’t have forced them to sleep in the same room with only one bed. What did he expect to happen?

“Do you guys want to switch up the cars today?” Zayn asks. “Harry and Lou? Come with me? Liam and Shawn want to get to know each other better.”

Louis can’t imagine that Liam and Shawn have much of a desire to get to know each other, but Louis figures it’s a fitting punishment for him for the way he’s acted the whole trip (as in, kept them all on schedule, but disrupted Louis’ sleep schedule). Liam’s going to have to suffer the three hours to Calgary with Niall and Shawn’s flirting, and he doesn’t feel an ounce of sympathy.

“Sounds good to me,” Harry says, and he slips on his sunglasses and no one argues. 

Louis offers to drive for the first time the whole trip, climbing into the driver’s seat before anyone can protest. He can at least contribute something. 

“I’m sitting in the back so I can sleep,” Zayn declares, and he sprawls out in the backseat before Harry can argue.

Climbing into the passenger’s seat, Harry asks, “Can I pick the music?”

“Oh absolutely not.”

“ _ Players only love you when they’re plaaaaying _ .”

Louis’ weak, and also a sucker for Fleetwood Mac. He could never say no to Harry  _ or  _ Stevie Nicks. 

It had only taken about thirty minutes before Louis’d had enough of Harry’s pouting and handed over the aux chord, cutting off his own music. Realistically, Harry didn’t have a bad taste in music, but it had always been a running joke in their group to keep DJing responsibilities away from him. 

Harry hits another high note, eyes shut and head thrown back against the headrest, and Louis has no idea how Zayn’s sleeping through it all. But he is, forehead leaned against the window and mouth slightly hanging open. 

The song comes to a close and Harry reaches over to turn the volume dial down.

“Louis?”

“Yeah, Haz?”

“This might be dumb, but,” he clears his throat before continuing, “do you think we’ll ever be okay?”

Louis’ breath hitches. “Define okay.”

“Like. Friends in the way we used to be.”

“Friends in the way we used to be led to both of us falling in love,” Louis says. “But no, I don’t think so. I, uh.” He takes a deep breath and realizes how shaky he feels, how quickly his eyes have filled with tears. “I think for that to happen I’d have to stop being in love with you.”

Louis hears Harry’s sharp intake of breath and it feels mostly like the air has been vacuumed from the car. He’s not sure they should be having this conversation while he’s driving because he thinks he might actually swerve off the road. 

“Louis-”

And Louis won’t know what Harry plans on saying because Zayn chooses that moment to come back to the land of the living.

“How far away are we?” he asks, leaning forward and poking his head between both of their seats. 

“Maybe forty-five minutes,” Louis answers, forcing himself to keep his eyes on the road instead of glancing over to see Harry’s expression.

“Perfect. Can I add a few songs to the queue?”

Harry wordlessly hands over his phone and doesn’t speak again until they’re parked at the hotel.

“We’re going to the zoo,” Zayn says.

“We have that planned for tomorrow,” Liam argues. “So we could have a full day to do it.”

“No, we definitely planned the zoo for today.”

Louis is uncomfortable. He hasn’t witnessed Zayn and Liam fight since...ever. They have literally never had a fight in front of him and he’s not sure how to handle it. The only fight he even  _ knows  _ about them having was when Zayn stayed the night at Liam’s house, and Zayn realized that Liam was actually the messiest person in the world. Louis hadn’t even done anything to help, at the time. They had just gotten drunk and then the next day Zayn told Liam to start cleaning up after himself better.

“Zayn.”

“ _ Liam _ .”

“Do you really want to do the zoo today?” 

“Yes.”

Liam shrugs. “Then we’ll do the zoo today and leave earlier tomorrow night for Vancouver.”

“That was so anticlimactic,” Niall grumbles under his breath. “Is this how all of their fights are?”

“Pretty much,” Harry says with a nod. “I think they mostly have little disagreements but it’s like they love each other so much they just are able to talk it out.”

“You and Lou used to be like that,” Niall says. “Like it was so obnoxious how easily you solved everything.  _ Nothing  _ was a problem because you guys just talked it out and usually compromised.”

Well, fat load of good it did them, Louis thinks. He kind of just wishes everyone would stop reminding him how great of a couple he and Harry were. It makes the whole ‘moving on’ thing even harder.

“Right.” Harry nods slowly. “So good at communication that I live in Toronto by myself now.”

Louis avoids Harry the rest of the day. He ignores every opportunity to tell Harry that he looks like the frogs and the monkeys and couldn’t be more relieved to be sharing a room with Niall and Shawn. 

“Lou?” 

Niall’s voice sounds small from behind him, tentative like he has something to say but he’s worried about how it’ll come out. Louis rolls over on the bed, facing Niall but saying nothing. Shawn’s in the shower, water turned on just a couple minutes ago and his singing starting not long after.

“Do you want to talk about it now?”

And Louis. Louis starts crying. He doesn’t realize it at first, silent tears, until Niall’s jumping from his bed to Louis’ and wrapping him in a hug. The floodgates open and full body sobs wrack his body. It’s like all the emotions he’s been holding in since he saw Harry walk up the driveway come pouring out, staining Niall’s t-shirt with snot and tears. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed this, to be held by someone and just let it all out.

Louis doesn’t know how long he cries until he can’t cry any longer, tears dried but his nose still running onto Niall’s poor baby blue t-shirt. Niall, to his credit, just holds him through it all, rubbing his back and pressing kisses into his hair. 

“I think you guys just need to sit down and stop being fucking idiots and talk about it,” he says.

“I think so too.” Louis subtly wipes his nose against Niall’s sleeve. “But when we try, it just gets awkward or we’re interrupted or it’s not the right time. We can’t exactly have a talk in the butterfly exhibit of a zoo, can we?”

“Well, you could.” Niall’s body shakes with laughter. “Sorry, I’m just picturing it.”

“Shut up,” Louis says, but he’s laughing too and surprisingly, he feels better. 

Liam drags them to Heritage Park, which apparently had been the plan for the day before. He says, very firmly, “We’re only staying here until four, and then we’re on our way to Vancouver. It’s our longest drive and we’re doing an overnight drive. Got it?”

Nobody protests.

Niall, Shawn, and Liam break off into a trio, which apparently means the car ride had been good for them, which leaves Louis with Zayn and Harry. Somehow, he keeps getting stuck with Harry. After the wedding, he plans on going back to pretending that he never even knew the man because this is so much more painful.

It’s not so bad, the three of them. Harry’s more awkward than he normally is, avoiding eye contact with Louis and only speaking when he has to, but for once Zayn fills all of the silence between them. It’s easy enough to find stuff to do, walking around and stopping in every shop they pass. 

Louis’ a bit weirded out by the atmosphere, never big into history, but Harry absolutely adores it. Louis can tell from the way his eyes widen and he stops to look at everything. It’s the only thing that stops Louis from complaining about how long they spend at the park.

“You know,” Zayn says as Harry wanders off to go stare at something that neither of them care about, “you’re less of an insufferable prat when Harry’s around.”

“I’m not an insufferable prat,” Louis says, but he knows it’s true.

“You know it’s true.” Zayn shrugs. “I put up with you because I love you and I get it. Depression changes basically everything about you.”

“I’m not depressed.”

“Louis.”

“Zayn.”

“If you don’t want to admit it, that’s fine, but we both know,” he says. “And we’ve all been very patient with you because we love you. Even when being depressed makes you an asshole and a bad friend.”

“Did you know it’s really hard to get over someone when you have matching tattoos with them?”

“You could always cover them up,” Zayn suggests. “Or you could get back together.”

“You know it’s not that simple.”

Harry turns around and spots them still in the same place he left them and waves, face beaming.

“I think it might be that simple,” Zayn says. “I think you’re both just fucking idiots.”

Louis’ not looking forward to the eleven hour drive to Vancouver. They’re only spending  _ two days  _ there. What is the point in driving eleven hours for  _ two days _ ? No one seems to have the answer, but no one else seems to care.

Niall, Harry, and him are all riding together. Harry says it’s because they need to plan the bachelor party, so obviously neither Zayn or Liam can ride with them. Poor Shawn is just a casualty of the fact.

“I think I’m going to ask Shawn out,” Niall says. 

“I thought you guys were already dating,” Harry says, confused. He turns around in the passenger seat to face Louis in the back, his face adorably scrunched in the middle. “Have they not been dating this whole time?”

Louis shakes his head. 

“What the fuck?” Harry turns back around, but doesn’t say anything else.

Around hour four, Harry pulls out a planner from his bag and leans his seat back so he can more easily make eye contact with Louis.

“So I was thinking, for the bachelor party, we take them out to brunch,” he says, writing something down. What could he possibly be writing down already? “And we’ll go somewhere with endless mimosas, obviously.”

Louis nods. Obviously.

“And then we take them to, like, laser tag or something.”

Louis keeps nodding.

“And then we do dinner at that restaurant where they had their first date.”

More nodding.

“And then we take them to all the old bars we used to frequent.”

Louis stops nodding.

All the old bars they used to frequent would include the one where he and Harry shared their first kiss, in the corner booth, right after they carved their initials into the wood of the table. And despite having not been back since they broke up, Louis knows the initials are still there because Zayn let it slip once.

“Sound good?” Harry doesn’t seem to notice Louis’ hesitancy.

“Uh, yeah. Sounds good.”

“Perfect.” He writes something else down and then shuts the planner. “I’ll send you how much it’ll be when I get back to Toronto. I figure not much, between you and me and Niall. One of us can pay for brunch, the other laser tag, and the other dinner. Then we can split the tab at the bars.”

_ “Louis, normally only couples carve their names into wood,” Harry said, pink faced and drunk and giggly. “We’re breaking the rules.” _

_ “I think we’re breaking the rules by doing it in the first place,” Louis told him. “And therefore, by that math, breaking another set of rules causes a double negative and that means we’re not breaking any rules at all.” _

_ Harry’s face turned faux-serious. He nodded, lips pursed. “Right.” _

_ Louis finished carving their names into the wood with the left behind butter knife. He sat back and admired his work, running his fingers over the indents of their initials.  _

_ “Our names look good together,” Harry whispered, and suddenly he was too close and Louis couldn’t breathe and then Harry was kissing him and all the air returned to his lungs.  _

“Perfect,” Louis agrees. “Sounds like an incredible plan, Haz.”

They stop for gas and to stretch their legs when they reach hour five. Zayn pulls him away from the cars to sit in the grass and smoke a cigarette, passing it back and forth between them. 

“One of these days I’ll quit like Liam keeps asking me to,” Zayn says. The wind sends his smoke blowing directly into Louis’ face, making him close his eyes every time Zayn exhales. “I was thinking after the stress of the wedding is over.”

“Are you stressed about it?” Louis asks.

Zayn shrugs. He takes one last puff and then leans forward to where the grass meets the concrete and snubs it out.

“I think I’d be crazy if I wasn’t scared, right? It’s normal to be scared. So much is going to change.”

“But you know that Liam is the one?”

“Absolutely,” Zayn answers firmly. “I’ve known since he held my hair back while I puked during that party our first semester. And then he showed up with a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich the next morning. I knew I had to snatch him before someone else did.”

Louis stays silent. 

“Are you thinking about Harry?”

“When am I not?” Louis laughs humorlessly, leaning back against the grass. He watches clouds float past and wonders when he let his life get so complicated. 

“Is Harry the one?” Zayn doesn’t beat around the bush. Sometimes, Louis hates it

He takes a second to consider his answer. He could lie, which Zayn would call him out on, or he could be honest. But what did being honest ever get someone?

“Stop thinking so hard,” Zayn says. He reaches out and kicks at Louis’ calf. “Your brain’s overworking itself and it’s starting to smell.”

“Shut up,” Louis laughs. He quickly turns serious when he remembers the conversation at hand. “Do I even need to answer? Of course Harry’s the one.”

A throat clears from above them. Louis sits up just enough for his shoulder to come off the ground, and then collapses back down. Harry stands above them, awkwardly trying to dig a toe into the concrete.

“I hate to interrupt,” he says, barely above a mumble. “But, uh, we’d like to get this show on the road.” He doesn’t wait for them to respond before crossing the parking lot back to the waiting cars.

“Can you two  _ please  _ figure your shit out?” Zayn asks. He pushes himself off the ground and then offers a hand up to Louis. “I’m getting real sick of this. Also, it looks like your lover boy decided to hop in a different car.”

Louis spins around - Harry is climbing in the car with Liam and Shawn.

“Fucking  _ hell _ .” Louis groans and throws his head back, glaring at the sky.

Their first day in Vancouver goes relatively uneventful. Niall’s phone dies and they lose him when he wanders away, but eventually they find him talking the ear off of a security guard in the museum, who looks more than relieved that someone has come to claim their child. 

Harry avoids Louis the best he can, making sure there’s no chance for them to end up alone. Louis wishes this is how the whole trip would have been spent, before he went and put his foot in his mouth. It’s going to be even more awkward than before when they have to spend the whole bachelor’s party drunk together, and he has to keep himself from saying even worse stuff while drunk. And the actual wedding will probably be like pulling a tooth.

When it’s over, Louis’ moving to America.

He collapses into bed at the end of the night, freshly showered and wanting nothing more than to end this trip as soon as possible. He just has to make it through tomorrow, and then two whole days of driving. He’s not sure whose brilliant idea it was (Liam’s) to break all their driving down and then just spend two days driving home. He’s not too thrilled about it because chances are he and Harry will spend the entire time completely ignoring each other, the same way they’ve basically spent the past day and a half.

He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he’s forcefully woken up by Niall jumping on to the other side of the bed and shaking him awake. Louis sits up quickly, panicking as he looks around the room before realizing it’s just Niall being a jackass.

“God, Niall, you gave me a fucking heart attack.” 

Niall shrugs and climbs from the bed. “Sorry,” he says, and sounds nothing of the sort.

They’ve got much of the same thing planned for today as they did yesterday, and Louis grows less enthused as the hours drag on. He’s barely hanging on through their second museum of the day when he hears someone mention ‘drinks’ and he perks up.

“Drinks?” He turns his head around, searching for which one of them said. “Are we drinking tonight?”

“Only if you promise to behave yourself,” Zayn says. He bumps his shoulder gently into Louis’. “Sometimes it feels like you only want to hang out while we’re drinking.”

“Mate, I have just spent almost two whole weeks with you and my ex-boyfriend while mostly sober. I think I deserve one.”

“Amen,” Harry’s voice says quietly from behind them. Louis turns around and gives him a soft smile, finding it timidly returned. Will they ever stop dancing around each other? He doesn’t think they’ll ever have enough time to sit down and work through all their problems.

“See? Harry agrees with me.” He decides to play it casual and continue to ignore the tension between them is his best bet. “So we’ve all decided that the best course of action is to get super drunk so we can be hungover for our long ass drive tomorrow?”

Five heads nod back at him, all with varying facial expressions. Liam looks terrified at what the night may bring, Niall looks more excited than anyone, and Harry just looks like he needs it.

Louis feels a combination of all three.

“Harry’s been talking to that guy for like twenty minutes,” Niall says. As if Louis doesn’t already know that. As if he hasn’t been glaring in their direction for all twenty minutes that Harry’s been gone. “What are you going to do about it?”

“Continue to glare until Harry either goes home with the guy or comes back to us,” Zayn answers for him. “Louis’ a chicken shit, as we’ve learned this trip, and he won’t make a move even though they both want it.”

“If Harry wants it so bad, like you say, why doesn’t he make a move?” Louis asks in a huff. “Why is it all placed on me?” He’s drunk and angry and jealous and sad. He doesn’t want to be attacked by his friends any more. He just wants to forget Harry Styles was ever a part of his life.

“Okay, they say there are no dumb questions,” Zayn says, and Louis doesn’t like where this is going. Can’t they leave him  _ alone? _ Can they not let him be an idiot in peace? “But that was a dumb question. You have to make the move because you’re the one who fucked up. You have to prove you’re serious.” He glares at his drink before downing the rest of it. “How many times have we had this fucking conversation?”

“Not enough,” Louis mumbles. 

“Oh look, he’s coming back over here.” Zayn stands from the booth. “You two are both drunk. The perfect time to talk about your feelings.”

“I-“ Louis starts to say, but Zayn’s already walking over to the bar, Niall following closely behind on his heels. 

“Hey.” Harry slips into the booth. He’s across the table from Louis, face flushed red and hair dark with sweat. “Having fun?”

Louis shrugs. “I could probably be having more fun.”

“Looks like it,” Harry says with a small laugh. He runs a hand through his hair and pushes it off his forehead. He glances around the room, eyes lingering over where the other four are taking up space at the bar. “Do you want to dance?”

“What?” Louis doesn’t think he’s heard correctly.

Harry leans forward across the table, until his face is inches from Louis, and whispers, “Do you want to dance?” His breath blows across Louis’ face and it smells like fruity drinks and bad decisions.

Louis doesn’t hesitate. He slides to the end of the booth and turns around, cocking an eyebrow at Harry, who’s still holding himself over the table with his elbows. “Care to join me?”

He makes his way over to the dance floor, making sure to swing his hips as he goes. He doesn’t turn around to make sure Harry’s following - he just has a good feeling in his stomach. He stops in the middle of the dance floor, sweaty bodies pressed against his from every angle, and he feels two familiar hands grab at his hips. 

Harry presses his front to Louis back, fingertips digging into the soft skin at his waist, and leans in to ghost his lips over Louis’ ear.

“I’ve missed this,” he whispers, using his teeth to tug at Louis’ earlobe. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’m right here,” Louis says, leaning back and turning his head to speak the words into Harry’s skin. He repeats himself, “I’m right here.”

They’re both too drunk to filter themselves, all of their secrets tumbling out without permission. Louis knows they’ll regret this in the morning, but all he can do is hold on and cherish the feeling of Harry’s skin against his.

He doesn’t know how long they dance against each other, no space between them, hands grabbing what they can reach. He doesn’t know how long it is before Harry’s asking to leave and they’re stumbling out of the bar without telling anyone where they’re going. He doesn’t know how long it takes them to get back to the hotel room.

All Louis knows is the weight of Harry’s body on top of him and the soft edges of his skin that he can grab with his hands. He knows Harry’s lips pressed against his, urgent and sloppy, like they may never get a chance like this again.

He knows when they’ve been caught.

The door swings open, loud and startling both of them. They barely have time to jump apart before Niall and Shawn come crashing in, similar to the way Harry and Louis had stumbled in not too long before. 

Harry clears his throat to catch Niall’s attention. “Having a good night?” 

Niall’s face is flaming red from the alcohol, but somehow manages to grow even darker. He goes to say something and then stops, his face breaking out into a mischievous grin.

“Looks like you might have been having more fun than us,” he says teasingly. 

Louis shifts awkwardly on the bed, suddenly self-conscious of his disheveled appearance. If Harry looks like a mess, then he must as well. He tries to subtlety fix his hair, but Niall’s still laughing.

“No fun yet,” Louis says.

“No fun happening tonight,” Harry adds. He pushes himself from the bed and bends down to grab his shoes. “Uh. I guess I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

He manages to slip past the duo in the doorway, not once looking back at Louis on the bed. 

“Thanks a lot, jackasses,” he says, rolling over and pulling a pillow over his head. He lifts the corner of it to yell, “No having sex while I’m in the room!”

The next morning they’re all hungover, pale in the face, and sweating out the night’s alcohol. The only one who even resembles a functioning person is Niall, but even he complains of a headache. Loading the cars takes even longer because of this and by the time they’re done, Louis thinks he could use a four hour nap. 

He ends up in the same car as Niall and Shawn, but gets a text from Zayn saying “ _ we’ll talk about this _ ” which means Niall’s already gone and blabbed to everyone about what he stumbled upon. 

Louis doesn’t know if he’s supposed to talk to Harry about it, but he manages to avoid Louis the whole morning and at every gas station where they stop. By the time they reach their halfway point and stop at a hotel for the night, Harry hasn’t said a single word to him. He even manages to sneak away to the hotel room before Louis can even think to go looking for him. 

The next day goes about the same, with no interaction from Harry. They pull into the driveway of Liam’s house and from then on it's a blur of everyone trying to unpack their things and get home as fast as possible. Apparently, Harry is staying the night before he goes back to Toronto in the morning, but when Louis searches the house, he can’t find the man. 

He goes home without getting a chance to even try and talk to Harry. 

Harry’s gone radio silent. 

The most Louis had gotten from him in the three weeks since the road trip had ended was an email detailing how much money Louis owed him for the bachelor party. Louis had responded, but Harry didn’t bother emailing him back. Not even a thank you when Louis sent him the money.

Zayn and Liam told Louis to give him space. Niall said he should show up on Harry’s doorstep with flowers and apologies.

Louis would apologize if he knew exactly what he was apologizing  _ for _ . Harry was the one who instigated the dancing, and he was too drunk to remember which of them kissed the other first. So what was he going to do - show up on Harry’s doorstep and apologize for nothing?

“You fucking idiot,” Zayn says. 

Zayn’s dining room table is littered with papers and miscellaneous items as he tries to decide what to pack with him for his big move into Liam’s house. Louis and Niall have been doing their best to help him, but it’s mostly been calming Zayn down from a panic attack.

“Why am I the fucking idiot?” Louis asks. He sets down the stack of notes from Liam that Zayn has saved over the years. “You’re the one freaking out about moving in with someone you’re  _ marrying _ .”

“We’re not talking about me right now.” Zayn throws another box onto the table. “Fill this one up with uh...I guess anything that’s left.”

“Did you even throw  _ anything  _ anyway?” Niall asks, nose scrunched as he stares at the mess on the table and the boxes scattered around the room. “It kind of seems like you’re just bringing everything.”

Zayn shrugs. “I just said we’re not talking about me right now.”

“Right. Because we’re talking about  _ me _ .” Louis sighs and tapes another box closed.

“After the wedding is over, I’m locking you guys in a room together,” Zayn says. “I don’t want to spend the next three years the way we just spent the last three years. I want my best friends to be best friends again.”

Louis didn’t offer to come help Zayn pack just to get lectured. 

“Harry doesn’t want to talk to me.” Louis sets the box on the ground, wincing as it hits the floor. Maybe he could afford to be gentler with Zayn’s items. “He’s made that perfectly clear. Besides, I don’t even know what I would say to him. ‘Haz, just say the word and I’ll move to Toronto and marry you and pop out seven babies all for you?’ I don’t know if he wants to hear that.”

“Maybe you don’t have to move to Toronto to prove to him that you’re serious about him.” The table’s finally clear after hours of packing and sorting, so now Zayn can set all of his attention on Louis. “Niall and Shawn figured their shit out. Can’t you?”

“Niall and Shawn didn’t have any shit to sort out,” Louis grumbles. “All they did was get drunk and make out and now it’s all sunshine and rainbows for them.”

“Not all sunshine and rainbows,” Niall interjects. “Yesterday, Shawn dropped my favorite coffee mug on the ground and broke it.”

Louis gasps dramatically. “Not the coffee mug!”

“Okay, never mind about Shawn and Niall,” Zayn says. “You’re an entirely different situation. But I’m so  _ fucking  _ sick of having this conversation. Either talk to him or get over him. I don’t want to do this anymore. I  _ can’t _ do this anymore.”

Louis isn’t quite sure what to respond, so instead he grabs a box from the floor and goes to stack it by the entryway. He knows Zayn has a point.

Zayn pulls Louis aside before they walk into the brunch restaurant.

“This is my fucking bachelor party and you’re not going to ruin it for me with your fucking drama,” he warns. “Do you understand?”

Louis nods.

“Good.” Zayn lets go of him and picks a piece of lint from his shoulder. “You look good, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Louis says. “I know you’re only hyping me up because Harry’s already inside waiting for us, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

Zayn doesn’t even bother denying it - just throws him a soft smile and leads their group into the restaurant. Sure enough, Harry and Liam are already seated at a booth, casually sipping mimosas as they wait for everyone else to arrive. 

Louis tries to ignore the way Harry’s shoulders tense when he notices their arrival.

“Haz!” Niall’s voice carries through the restaurant, causing everyone around them to shoot their group dirty looks. None of them are even drunk yet - it’s set to be a long day if they keep up like this.

“Hey, Ni.” Harry pats the booth beside him and offers Niall a one-armed hug. “How have you been? I’ve missed you.”

“Hey,” Louis says, doing his best to keep his tone even, as he slides into the booth next to Liam and across from Harry. “How was the travel in?”

“Not bad.” Harry shrugs, but doesn’t offer anything else up. 

Louis can’t even imagine how awkward the rest of the day and night will be.

Brunch goes as smoothly as it can, with Harry pretending their group ends with Liam, never once letting his eyes stray towards Louis. 

Louis learns that Harry has a new job, but doesn’t manage to catch the details about it, and he doesn’t feel like it’s his place to ask. Niall, Liam, and Zayn seem to be happy for him, and that’s enough for Louis to feel happy for him as well. Zayn keeps shooting him pointed looks everytime Harry’s new job is mentioned, but Louis doesn’t quite understand the point he’s trying to make.

Following brunch comes laser tag. Zayn and Louis end up on the same team because Louis is his best man, and Niall joins their team because he thinks they have a better chance of winning. Liam, Harry, and Shawn make up the other team, and it’s obvious they aren’t taking it as serious. Harry and Liam definitely drank the most mimosas, cheeks red and legs wobbly. 

“Is this how you expected your bachelor party?” Louis asks Zayn, watching the scene unfold before them. Harry is raving on about wanting to braid Liam’s hair. Louis isn’t quite sure that’s even possible. “When you were younger, you know? You always expect strippers, or whatever. And we’re drunk off mimosas at one in the afternoon playing laser tag.”

Zayn shrugs. He tugs at his bottom lip with his teeth, mouth upturning at the corners as he tries to fight back his smile. “I think this is better than strippers, if I’m being honest with you.”

“I think so, too.” 

“Are you two done being sappy?” Niall asks, coming up between them and wrapping an arm around each of their shoulders. “Or can we get this show on the road?”

“Are you ready to kick some ass?” Louis asks, doing his best attempt at rallying them up. It’s kind of hard to want to run around for an hour when the vodka and orange juice is sitting so heavily in his stomach, but he is determined to kick Harry’s ass. 

“Is the loser buying rounds when we go to the bars tonight?” Niall clarifies. He does the velcro on his vest, and then pounds at his chest with one fist. “If so, then I’ve never been more ready to kick some ass.”

They’ve picked a place that ended up letting them rent out the space for an hour for cheap. Most of the other places in the area wanted to charge them extra, but this place let them pay the normal rate and didn’t accept reservations from anyone else. The guy on the phone said it was “in the spirit of love” but Louis has his suspicions that nobody else would have even tried to reserve the place anyway.

“Hey.” Harry’s made his way across the room to Louis, bumping into him with his shoulder but still not quite able to look him in the eye. “Remember the last time we all played laser tag together? With your mom and Lottie?”

Louis snorts through his nose, just barely stopping himself from shooting snot everywhere. 

“I remember.” He nods, biting at his lip to keep from smiling.

_ “Louis William!” Jay screeched from across the room. Between them, stood multiple obstacles, but Louis suspected that wouldn’t stop her from reaching him and shooting him on one of the targets on his chest. She’d been chasing after him for the majority of the hour, determined to catch him. She hadn’t even tried to shoot anyone else. _

_ “You’ve got three minutes left to catch me!” he taunted. “I don’t know if you can do it, old woman!” _

_ This only seemed to fuel her fire as she let out a quick laugh and pointed her gun at him. She slowly began to take steps in his direction, climbing over and under the many things placed in her path. Louis wasn’t too sure he was going to make it out before the time ran up without her shooting him. _

_ Niall and Zayn flanked his side, but they both started retreating. Louis rolled his eyes -  _ ** _traitors_ ** _ . _

_ Finally, Jay was close enough that she barely even had to aim to hit one of the sensors all over his vest. _

_ “Where are you going to run now?” she teased. Her finger was pressed to the trigger, poised and ready to shoot him.  _

_ He was trapped. _

_ She finally pressed down on the trigger, and Louis expected his vest to make the noise proclaiming he had been shot, but surprisingly, he heard the noise come from in front of him.  _

_ Harry had stepped in front of the laser, letting his own score be lowered instead. _

_ Louis threw his head back and let out the loudest laugh. He started cackling even harder as he heard the buzzer go off, signaling the end of their time. Harry joined him, taking a second to bump their hips together and they made way for the exit. Jay was grumbling behind them, complaining about Harry’s savior complex.  _

_ “You didn’t need to do that, you know?” Louis said. “I can handle myself against my mom.” _

_ “I know,” Harry laughed. “But it’s funnier because she hit her own teammate, so now her score’s lowered. You guys won.” _

_ “I bet your teammate’s are so happy about that,” Louis teased, but he couldn’t ignore the swelling of his heart in his chest. _

“Jay and Zayn were so pissed,” Louis says, coming back to the present. The timer’s counting down in front of them, ten seconds until their game is set to start. “You guys had to buy our drinks that night.”

“Well.” Harry shrugs, like a ‘what can you do?’ kind of thing. “I came over to let you know that won’t be happening today. I’m going to come after you today. No more sacrificing myself for you, Tomlinson.”

The timer finishes its countdown and the doors open, revealing the laser tag area to them. Harry walks away before Louis can even think of a retort. Somehow, Harry’s words feel like they might be about more than just laser tag.

“Dude!” Niall yells. He lightly punches Louis’ arm. Or, attempts to punch Louis’ arm lightly. In reality, it kind of hurts. Louis brushes it off as Niall just being too drunk. “I can’t believe Harry beat the arcade’s record for most hits to a single person!”

“You don’t have to rub it in,” Louis grumbles. He finishes off his beer and sets the empty bottle down on the table. 

The bar is loud and crowded, as expected for a Saturday night. It’s their third one of the night, and each one just gets louder and each one makes Louis wish he were in bed. There’s not enough beer in the world to get him to the level of drunk he desires to be currently.

Niall cackles, apparently unable to read Louis’ tense mood in his drunken state. 

“I’m just saying, maybe you guys don’t need to talk out your issues. You can just play laser tag until all the aggression is out of your system. Seems like it works better for him, at least.”

“I’m getting another drink.” He slides from the booth, vinyl sticking uncomfortably to the back of his knees, and flips Niall off over his shoulder. 

Louis looks around the room while he waits to grab the bartender’s attention. Liam and Zayn are grinding dirtily against each other in the center of the room - a sign that the night will be ending soon for them. Niall and Shawn are connected at the hip in the corner booth where Louis left them, and Harry is nowhere to be found.

“Looking for me?”

Louis starts, jumping back from the bar and throwing a hand over his heart.

“Jesus Christ, you scared me,” he says. He waits for his heart to stop beating so fast. “Are you having any fun?”

“I was.” Harry shrugs. “But get too many drinks in me and I get really sad about you.”

“Haz-”

“I’m not looking for sympathy.” He successfully manages to flag down the bartender, and he orders a drink for both himself and Louis. “We’re complicated and we don’t know how to talk to each other and I don’t know if we’ll ever get it right.”

Louis’ heart aches. The man he’s in love with, has been in love with for as long as he can remember, is so obviously hurting in front of him and he’s the reason.

“I love you,” he breathes, not even above a whisper. He wouldn’t even think Harry could hear it over the loud noise of the bar, but Louis can tell he has. His eyes widen and his lips part, like maybe he wants to say something back, but then his shoulders fall and he shuts his eyes tightly.

“I’ve believed you before, you know?” He opens his eyes and they’re wet with tears. His chin wobbles and Louis wants to close the distance between them and hold him until he’s smiling again. “What makes this time different?”

Louis shakes his head. 

“I don’t know how to prove it to you,” he admits. “All I have are my words. I’ve started looking for places in Toronto. I want to be with you, even if you’re just my friend. I miss my best friend more than anything.”

“You don’t need to move to Toronto,” Harry says. His voice is thick with the tears he’s holding back. Louis feels a warm lump forming in the back of his own throat. “I want to believe you this time. So badly, I want to believe you. But it’s so hard.”

The bartender slams their drinks on the counter. Half of it splashes out onto Louis’ arm, and he winces at the iciness. It breaks their moment, and before Louis can even call out for him, Harry is spinning and retreating to the other side of the bar.

Zayn is a mess.

As expected.

Louis saw it coming.

“Zayn, babe, I need you to calm down.” Louis does his best to try and soothe him, but nothing seems to be working. “You love Liam. We’ve known him for ten years now. We  _ love  _ him. He’s your best friend. There’s never been a moment when you thought this wouldn’t work out. Let’s get to the heart of this issue - what’s really making you doubt this?”

Zayn sniffs loudly, all of his sobbing having made him snotty. His chin wobbles when he goes to speak, “I’m not good enough for him. He’s too good for me. He’s the perfect man. He’s nice and smart and rich and good looking. What am I?”

This is uncharted territory. Louis doesn’t know how to deal with a Zayn who isn’t oozing confidence. In all ten years that they’ve been friends, Zayn has always been the one who held it together. He was always the one who was so sure of himself, even when everyone else was afraid of what came next. But Louis guesses that sometimes even the ones who hold it together the best can fall apart.

“You’re Zayn,” Louis says. “The same Zayn that Liam has been head over heels for since you guys  _ literally  _ ran into each other on the first day of classes. The same Zayn that made Liam so nervous that when he proposed to you he was shaking so badly he dropped the ring down a storm drain. The same Zayn who has been there to wipe away his tears, hold his hair while he vomits, and has stood by his side and loved him through it all.”

Zayn’s stopped crying. Instead, he’s gaping at Louis like a fish. Somehow, even while looking like a fish, Zayn still looks like a model. It’s unfair.

“Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” he asks. “The Louis I know would never have said something so hopelessly romantic.”

Louis rolls his eyes. “Shut up. Don’t expect me to ever do it again for you.”

“Have you tried saying something like that to Harry?”

“Not this shit again.” Louis sighs dramatically, flopping backwards into the couch cushions. He wishes they could open up and swallow him whole and then he would never have to talk about Harry ever again.

“Lou.” 

Something in Zayn’s tone has him opening his eyes. Zayn looks so intense, even with his red rimmed eyes and snot dripping from his nose. 

“He’s at my house,” Zayn says. “I think, before the wedding tomorrow, you guys should talk it out. I want my wedding to be remembered as beautiful and as a happy day. Not a day where you were both pining over each other and too stupid to figure out that you’re supposed to be together.”

“Should I go over there right now?” Louis asks.

Zayn nods. “I’ll stay here.”

Louis has been pacing in front of Liam and Zayn’s doorstep for fifteen minutes.

He has no idea what he’s going to say that he hasn’t already said. Harry doesn’t want to hear it, anyway. He’s made that perfectly clear.

The door swings wide open.

“I’ve been waiting for-” Harry checks the time on his watch, “-sixteen minutes for you to quit your pacing and ring the fucking doorbell. I was getting too dizzy, so I decided to take matters into my own hands.”

Louis can only stare at him, mouth partially dropped open, as he thinks of what he wants to say. He wants to say so much, and he’s unsure of where to start. Does Harry even want to hear it?

“Louis, what did you come here to say?” 

Harry crosses his arms and leans against the doorway. He’s got a cocky smile on his lips and for some reason, Louis thinks this might not end badly. Like maybe they’ll get it right this time, when they couldn’t get it right before.

“My lease is up for renewal,” he starts. “But I don’t think I’m going to renew it.”

Harry goes to intervene, but Louis stops him by holding up a finger.

“If I don’t say this now, I’m just not going to.” He takes a deep breath and continues, “I can’t keep doing this. Being away from you makes me feel like I’m not even living. Without you, I’m just going through life, barely even going through the motions. I was walking around, a ghost in my own life. I need you to know I’m serious. I would move to Toronto tomorrow if you asked me.”

“Not today?” Harry asks, but he’s smiling lopsidedly. He pushes himself off the doorway, and takes a step backwards into the house. He holds out a hand and crooks his pointer finger, gesturing for Louis to follow him in.

“Well,” Louis sputters. “I would go today, but, like, I’ve got to pack my stuff. Or, I guess I could get new stuff in Toronto.”

“You don’t have to move to Toronto,” Harry says. He continues walking down the hallway, where Louis knows the guestroom is. 

“Everyone keeps saying that, but maybe I  _ want  _ to-”

“Louis.”

“Harry.”

“I’m moving back to Winnipeg.”

Louis stares.

And processes.

And stares some more.

“You’re what?”

“My job is transferring me back to Winnipeg,” Harry says. “And I thought, why not? I didn’t really make any friends there, besides Nick, and all my family is here. And you’re here.”

Louis doesn’t know what to say to him.

Except.

“Can I kiss you?” he asks.

Harry’s face breaks into a beaming smile. “I thought you’d never ask.”

They had sloppily kissed, back at the bar in Vancouver, but it was nothing like this. This was like coming home after too long of a trip away. This was having your lungs fill up with air again after thinking you were going to suffocate.

Louis doesn’t know when Harry’s tongue starts sliding against his, too distracted by finally being able to touch. He lets his hands roam Harry’s skin. He digs his nails into Harry’s back and holds on, lost in the moment. 

Harry breaks their kiss, panting heavily and staring down at Louis. He reaches down and grips at Louis’ thighs wrapped around his waist, running his hands up until he reaches Louis’ waistband. 

“I love you so much,” he says, voice filled with awe. “I love you and I don’t want to leave you ever again.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise,” Louis says. “I’m yours for as long as you’ll have me.”

Harry opens him up slowly and carefully - one finger, then two and three. He doesn’t break eye contact with Louis, unless he’s leaning down to press kisses into Louis’ skin. He mumbles another ‘I love you’ into Louis’ skin as he presses in, both of them letting out a breath Louis didn’t know either of them had been holding in.

“Does it hurt?” Harry asks, slowly pulling his hips out before pressing back in, teasing and everything Louis had been needing. 

Louis shakes his head. “No.”

“You’re crying.” 

To emphasize his point, Harry leans down and kisses the tears off of Louis’ cheek. Louis hadn’t even realized he’d been crying, too overwhelmed by the moment, his love for Harry, and for both of them finally getting their shit together.

“They’re good tears,” Louis whispers, and he can hear it in his own voice.

Harry fucks into him until Louis’ gripping at the sheets, arching his back, and scratching up the skin of Harry’s back. 

“Gonna come,” Harry says against his skin, sucking a bruise dangerously close to where Louis’ collar will fall in the morning. “Come on, baby.”

Louis doesn’t have to be told twice, arching from the bed and painting both of their chests. Harry fucks him through it, gripping tightly to the softness of his hips, and following close behind. He collapses on top of Louis, mixing all of their sweat with Louis’ come between their bodies.

“I need a shower,” Louis says. He wrinkles his nose and pokes Harry in the side, trying to get him to move.

“I think I might have given you a visible hickey,” Harry admits. He kisses the spot, and sure enough, it’s just below his jawline, way too high to be covered by any type of collar.

Louis can only shrug and laugh it off.

“They’re the ones who wanted us to get our shit together. They’ll have to deal with my hickey in their wedding photos.”

“Do you, Liam James Payne, accept Zayn Javadd Malik to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.”

Louis’ not sure when Liam started crying, but then he realizes he’s also crying, so he stops himself from thinking any snarky comments. He watches the newly married couple kiss, both of them almost sobbing, and Louis has never happier in his life.

The morning had not gone over so smoothly.

Oddly enough, Zayn had been the calm one.

Harry came running to Louis this morning, frantic because he didn’t know how to calm Liam down. Louis had felt like he was basically a pro by this point, and had rushed to Harry’s rescue. It was all the same bullshit Zayn had been spouting just twenty-four hours before, about how Liam didn’t feel like he was good enough to be marrying Zayn. Louis basically gave him the same speech, and Liam blew his nose and that was that.

The ceremony had been gorgeous, and Harry had started crying before either Zayn or Liam walked down the aisle.

Because of course.

(Louis cried too).

Watching the pair share their first dance, Louis felt at peace. It felt like a huge weight off his shoulders, and he figured dealing with their married couple spats wouldn’t be much different than dealing with their fights before this.

“Hey, Lou.” Niall almost steps on his feet as he stumbles over. He hands Louis a beer, not that either of them need another one. The open bar has done its job of making sure all the guests are acceptably drunk. “I hear Harry’s going to be staying with you while he looks for a new place. I’m glad you two finally worked it out.” Something catches his eye, and Niall’s face lights up. “Speak of the devil!”

Harry’s arms wrap around Louis’ waist from behind, and he presses a kiss underneath Louis’ ear.

“I was just telling Lou how happy I was for you two,” Niall explains.

“I’m pretty happy too,” Harry mumbles against Louis’ skin.

Louis turns his head to press a kiss to Harry’s nose, face breaking into a smile as he hears the song for the first dance end and the next song starts.

“Care to dance?” he asks. “I hear this is our song.”

Harry grabs his hand and leads them to the dancefloor. Louis’ head easily falls against Harry’s shoulder. He sighs, content. He can’t imagine anything more perfect than dancing with the love of his life as Shania Twain’s ‘ _ Still the One _ ’ plays in the background.

**Author's Note:**

> [fic post](https://1dtwistedtropesficexchange.tumblr.com/post/187262962804/were-not-who-we-used-to-be-by-microlouis-for)   



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